The past

I have so many friends that I have reconnected with from my past. I love the fact that you can reconnect and be friends and be there for each other like we did when we were younger. The one thing that I have come to learn is that even when you think that people are who they say they are it isnt always true, I tried to help out someone who was very close to me and who I considered family, did everything that I could to help that person out of a bad situation. After doing everything that I could and helping that person get into a better place in their life it was all thrown back in my face today. I am trying to be happy and trying not to get to pissed about it, but it is hard when you feel betrayed and used. I know that its whatever makes the person happy is the best thing for them. But how am I suppose to do that when I feel like everything I did was a waste of time. The money I spent the time together, everything that I did to make them feel better and all I get is a flipping email to say it was all a waste of time.... Are you kidding me.... At least have the respect for me to pick up the phone and talk to me and let me know whats going on. Sending an email is the worst thing that could have been done. I am not some trash that you can throw away on the side of the road and not think about again. I cant do it any more. I cant be the one who stands there and helps through the problems just to be put aside, I am not the person that is ok with being used. I will do anything to help a friend out, if you are a part of my family there is nothing that I wont do. Open my house, help out financially when I can whatever takes. All I ask in return is that you help yourself out and make good decisions for yourself and your kids. Those decisions are not mine to make. Each individual has to make their own decisions for what is best for themselves and there family. So I am off my soap box and over the whole thing. Im done and I wont do it any more.

Hard tines

Dealing with all of the mixed emotions and doubts that nave come up lately has not been easy. Chris being gone all the time is driving me crazy. I hate being at home and not having him around. Hopefully the company will figure out a way to get him home more.
Dealing with the financial issues that we have is driving me crazy. I feel like we take 10 steps forward and a 100 steps backwards every couple of months. Im tired of it. We are making great strides in getting things paid off but I am so tired of not knowing month to month if we are going to have a roof over our heads or food on the table or electricity or whatever else. Im just done with it. I can't take it anymore. I just want to be ok and for the stress to go away for a while. Just to be able to breath for once would be nice. Hopefully one day I will be able to do that....

Wow just Wow

I am not the type of person to judge someone else and how they deal with their family. Everyone has their own way of doing it and their opinions on how it should be done. I listen, I help when I am asked but most the time I have learned after many many years to keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. But when someone butts into my life and the way that I am dealing with my family it really pisses me off. Especially when people have no idea whats been going on for the last 6 years and have no idea how much I have changed from the ways that I used to be. Yes I screwed up, yes I lied and cheated and hurt a lot of people while I was growing up. But really who hasnt at some point in their life. I am NOT perfect and I never said I was, I do not know everything and never said I did. I have made my own bed and have had to lay in it many times. Does this mean that I am a bad person, in my eyes no, it means that I am a human and am bound to make mistakes. As long as I move forward and learn from my mistakes then I think that is all that anybody could ask of me. So to those that I have wronged in my life and I know who you are and I am sure that you know you who I are, I want to apologize for the lies that were told, the hurtful things that were said, the backstabbing that went on, the rumors that were told and anything else that I may have done to hurt you. It took me a while to grow up and realize that what I was doing was wrong. Right should have known from the beginning that it was wrong, but at the time it was all about me and what I needed to do for me. I am sorry that I was selfish and self serving and I hope that you all can see that I am not the same person any more. I have moved on with my life, have gone through some very scary life threatening things that have made me realize that there is no room in my life for these types of actions. If I want to be loved and be able to love others it starts with me changing my actions. I believe that I have been doing that over the years. I am still a work in progress, but those that are standing with me and are walking this path with me will realize that I will always be a work in progress,but at least its progress. I cant change the fact that I made mistakes in my past but only I can fix the hurt that I caused and only I can make myself a better person. I am doing everything that I can to be the wife I want to be for my husband. Trying to take care of his needs as well as keep the house going and the bills paid. This is not always an easy task with him being gone all the time, but I am making it happen. I am trying to be the best "mother" that I can be to Kelsey. I know she is an adult but there are times that she still needs me to be the "mom" she did not have growing up. I am trying to be the best friend that I can be, yes there are times that I don't answer my phone or it takes a couple of days for me to get on fb and comment on something that is going on, I know I don't keep in contact with my friends the way that I should. I have a busy life and I know that my friends do as well. All I can say is I am trying to do what I can and be there for everyone who needs me. I am only one person and can only do so much. I am trying to be the best big sister that my little brother could ask for, I wish that I could spend more time with him. He is a wonderful, amazing young man and I love him to pieces! ( I would never say that to his face cause at 13 that would totally embarrass him :) LMAO) I am trying to be the best daughter I can be, not only for my dad by doing what I can to help him out, but also to my mom. I know a lot of people would tell me that she doesn't deserve it after everything that she has done to me, for those people I say God tells us to forgive those who have wronged us, That I have done, I will never forget what she has done to me, but I have forgiven her. I am trying to do everything that I can for my in-laws. I know I know that's not a word that the family likes to use. I can only do so much and I feel at times that it gets thrown back in my face. That's why I have stopped doing a lot of what I used to do. I don't know what else to do or what else to say that will help any more. I love my family even with the troubles that it has and would do whatever I could to help most of them. I love my friends and would do anything I could to help them out as well. For those of you that have stood by me and watched me grow and learn my lessons and those of you that continue to stand by me THANK YOU. There's nothing else I can really say.

Amazing stuff

I did something that I never thought I would do. After years of dealing with the anger and hatred that I held for my biological mother and after all the lies I dealt with from her, I finally forgave her. I have many reasons for my decision and the main one is my niece. I want to be able to have a relationship with her. There have been so many lies and so many changes within this side of my family over the last couple of years that I was not sure that I really wanted to deal with it. But after lots of prayers and lots of thoughts I decided it was time. I sat down and wrote her two letters explaining where I was coming from and what was going in my life, and what I wanted from her and expected of her. She called me yesterday and we talked for over an hour. It was a great conversation, yes I have to keep in mind that she does lie about stuff and take a lot of what she says with a grain of salt. But as long as I do that things will be ok. It was great to talk to my niece and make sure that she is doing ok. Knowing that we are close to them and I can go see my niece and spend time with her is a great feeling. I am still kind of mixed on the relationship with my mom. I am not sure how close I want to get and how far I want to take that relationship. I guess we will just have to wait and see how it goes over time. As far as things down here in this beautiful state of Texas things are good. We are close to one of the fires, but so far it has not put us in danger. We are keeping track of it as much as possible and making sure we are ready to go if it does get to close.

Harley went into the vet on Tuesday and got her shots and spayed. She was mad at me all day Wednesday and would not come near me until Thursday. She was sleepy and moody but as of yesterday she is back to her normal self being a pain in the but lol. We love her anyways :).

Confederate is now here in Texas with us full time. He seems to be happy he is here and is doing great. He has slimmed down since the last time that he was here and is in great health. We are glad to have him with us and to be able to have our whole family together again for the most part.

Sasha turns 13 this month. She is doing well, her hips give her problems some times but she still plays with Confederate and gets excited when we come home. She is shedding like no tomorrow but that's ok. We will get through it.

Kelsey sue is doing great! She is finishing up some school stuff and is getting excited for college. She has recently been in contact with an aunt and uncle that she has not talked to in a very long time. She is very excited about it and is looking forward to what life is going to bring her. She is not longer dating Jason, but is happy being single and is enjoying life. Her 19th birthday is right around the corner and she is very excited for it. We have not decided what we are going to do for it, but it will be remember able like always. We love her very much and are so proud of her and the things that she is accomplishing in her life. She is working part time and loves her job.

Chris is doing well. He has been working here in Texas for the last two weeks, Unfortunately he was not working close to home so he was not able to be at home, but from the sounds of it he will be here more then he will be in North Dakota. He will still have to go back and forth but hopefully he will be down here more. Things are changing around the company again so it will be interesting to see what comes of it all further down the road. I am doing well. Health seems to be doing well, minus the migraine headaches and my left knee going crazy. See the doctor on Monday for that. We have met some amazing people down here and I am so happy to be able to call them friends. They have really helped out in a pinch and are wonderful people. Sadly some of our great friends are going to be leaving to go back home to Utah in Jan, We will miss the Moyes family very much but at least we can stay in contact with them :). Brittany and Tiffany have been great friends and a load of help for us down here. They are both very loving people and I am so thankful they are in my life as well as kelseys. I hope that this finds everybody doing well! Love you all.

General thoughts

So I remember what high school was like.  Not a good four years for me. What I don't remember is bragging to my best friends/ sisters about who I slept with. Especially if my best friends were related to that person in some way. I don't remember my adopted brothers bragging to me about with one of my friends they slept with. Back then alot of people were having sex and I know today its alot worse but really let's not kiss and tell. Its nobody else's business who you are sleeping with. When or how you are doing it. If you are going to be stupid about it you better hope that the female involved doesn't get pregnant. That would really be bad. So all I can say is grow up, have some respect for the person you are dating, your sister of all people,  and keep this crap private.
  On another soap box here... I remember there being an unwritten code that all of us girls had.  You don't date your friends exboyfriends and you sure as he'll don't date there brothers or sisters. What happened to that respect for your friends. Does friendship not mean as much these days? I know that every now and then this code would get broken and relationships would come up with an ex or even a sibling and 9 times out of 10 the "friends" involved would end up losing the relationship that they had because it. Is it really worth losing the closeness of your best friend over. Are you willing to throw that friendship away because you need and want to get laid and fell like you are "loved"? If it is I feel really sad for that person. I mean really if you feel that low then there is something else going on that you need to look at and fix before you can truly love any body. If you don't love yourself you can not truly love anybody else.
  Ok im off my soap box's. Thank you to all my girlfriends for being apart of my life. The few of you that have stood by me through everything are a true blessing from God. The new ones that have come along are also a blessing from God. I love ya ladies and thank you for your friendship!

Heart Brake and healing

Have spent many years looking back on my life thinking what if.... being able to have one of things in my past come up and having to relive everything and having all those feelings and emotions to go through again.... I thought it would be hard but after tears shed and hearts broken I feel so much better. Being able to let it go and close that chapter in my life has helped. When one door closes another one opens up. Leaves room for new beginnings and relationships to be built on a strong lasting foundation. Learned a lot about myself and how I react to situations. Where my feelings really lay and how immature and naive I have been in the past. Time to make more changes and continue to clear my life out of the unwanted pain and drama. Those of you that continue to stand by me through the ups and downs of my life I love you all and thank you for your support.

Time

I love being able to sit down and spend time with my fantastic daughter. She is such an amazing person and reminds me everyday how special she is and what a blessing god has given me to have her in my life. She brings a smile to my face and warms my heart. I love her so much and am so thankful for her! I love you Kelsey!