Christmas

Merry Christmas! We hope that everyone is doing well. The days are getting shorter and Christmas is almost here. I hope that everyone is enjoying this wonderful holiday season and is remembering that its about family and friends and not whats under the tree. Chris and I are geared up and ready to go. we are excited to be heading to Colorado to see some of our family. Plans are already being made and our time is short. I hope to see everyone that I can and to those that we cant see please know that we love you and will find time next summer to come out and see you all. I am not looking forward to the drive up there though. We are expecting snow from Raton New Mexico through Colorado Springs. I am glad to be away from that down here and do not look forward to dealing with it again :). We had to say goodbye to Eric and Dee Dee Moyes this week as they are traveling back to Utah to start their lives down there. Eric graduated from school up here and has already been offered a job in Utah so CONGRATS ERIC!!! We are so very proud of you. You guys are amazing people and I feel so blessed to have had you all apart of our lives even for the short time it was. You all will be missed dearly in this household. Chris and I are excited about the new year and whats planned for us. Its nice to have our time and be alone again. Its been to long sense we have spent one on one time together and have an empty house just to the two of us. We are enjoying every minute of it. We have not decided if we are going to try for children of our own after my surgery next year or not. We will just have to wait and see. when we are able to buy a house of our own we have talked about adopting a little one. We will see what happens when the time comes. We wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS where ever you are and hope that each one of you is blessed with happiness, love and lots of smiles in this next year to come. Love Tabitha

Christmas 2011

Since there have been a lot of changes in our lives here recently, Chris and I decided that this year we are going to Colorado and are going to spend Christmas with my family. In the six years that we have been married Chris and I have not spent Christmas with my family at all. So this is a new thing for us and we are both very excited about it. It is going to be a great Holiday season for our family this year! Things have truly turned around for the better for us this year. We had some down times and had some issues to work through but as we are getting closer to the end of the year, things are truly looking up for us. We had hopes of buying a house this year and having a permanent place to call home, all I can say is thank God for unanswered prayers. I look at it now and realize that the house and the area that we were looking at would not have been a good fit for our family and the dreams that we have. So onto next year, we are planning on renting for another year and continuing to get things paid off. After that we will look into the possibilities of owning our first home. I do not want to rush into something like that, I want to make sure that Chris and I are able to get what we want and something that will last us for a long time to come. We are looking forward to what next year is going to bring. Being here in Texas I have made some awesome friends and am so glad to have them in my life. Its amazing how you grow and learn and realize that things that used to be important are no longer as important and things that you really thought were important or that were easily taken for granted are actually REALLY important and should not be taken for granted. I thank God everyday for giving me the people in my life to help me grow, change, love, and learn. Each one of you is so important to me! Hope everyone has a great Holiday season! Love and warm wishes, Tabitha

2011

I have seen and heard so many things happen this year. People losing loved ones, pets that meant the world to them, losing jobs, some gaining new jobs,finding love in random places,jobs failing into place, family being brought back together after months of being apart. Best friends becoming nothing more then a hello here or there,people finding out that something they wished for and dreamed for is never going to come true, losing a career you thought that you would always be with. Having loved ones be gone for work all the time, having new miracles born. Tears have been shed this year, good ones, bad ones, confused ones, hurt ones and Happy joyful ones. I don't understand why a lot of these things happened and I know that I never will. God has a reason for them and we just have to let him do his thing. With the Holidays coming on I know where I stand. I know what is going to happen to me in the end. I am no longer afraid of what tomorrow brings, whether it be good, bad, scary, or just normal everyday life. I know that I am going to get through it and that everything will be ok in the end. Having this peace in my heart reminds me that not everybody feels the same way I do. So as I sit here and think about everyone in my life and the way each one of you have helped me learn, grow and become the person that I am, as well as the person I will continue to grow into I find myself saying a prayer for each of the individuals and families that have had good times and bad this year. I am sure many agree with me when I say I cant wait for this year to be over and for next year to be here. A fresh start, a new beginning,and new goals to work towards. That's what so many people look forward to when Jan 1st comes along each year. I dread the day... it puts me one step closer to 30.. Ugh lol j/k. I am not scared about getting old,I am blessed to have the best husband in the world to stand by my side no matter what is going on. The love that the two of us shares is something that I have never felt so strongly in my life. Even though he spends most his time at away from home we cherish every moment together. It hasn't always been like this, but god has worked on our hearts and in our minds and showed us what needed to be done in order for us to make things right and to flow the way that he wants them to. Even when I am stressed out and think that there is no where to go and there is no way out of it, Chris stands by me and helps me figure out what needs to be done next. As we continue into this Holiday season I wish the Brown Family some happiness, I pray that you will find peace in this season and a light at the end of the tunnel. For the Levy family I wish you many more years of love, You two are amazing parents and a great couple! I pray that Doug will be able to spend more time at home and that you will be blessed with all the children you want. For Miss. Sarah Flint I hope that you find happiness again, I pray that you learn to love yourself for who you are and learn to live again. Miss. Katie Diss I love you girl, my wish for you this holiday season is to find true happiness, to figure out what it is that you want out of your life and to be truly happy from the bottom of your heart to that beautiful smile on your face, you deserve it girl! For the Kolkman clan my wish for you this holiday is to get through school and have all your dreams come true, I have faith in both of you to get through your schooling and becoming the amazing people you are growing up to be :). For the Williams family, You guys are wonderful people and I am so blessed to have you in my life, My wish for you this year is that Justin will be home for Christmas to spend JD's first Christmas with him and your beautiful older son Cole. For the Thomas family, my wish for you all is that you guys get settled into Texas and that Nick gets to be with his family more.The Moyes family, my wish for you all is that you have a safe trip home to Utah and that you are able to find a house quickly, You guys are a wonderful, amazing family and we are going to miss you so much when you are gone! For the Furlong family my wish for you both is that you continue to find happiness in your lives, you are a great couple and have taught us so much. The Jones family I wish you happiness and lots of love through out the Holidays. I love each and everyone of you very much and hope that you all have a wonderful holiday season. For our holiday season the one true wish I have for Chris is that his brother Mike is able to understand that we all make mistakes and that even though we make mistakes we never stop loving one another. Mike has been a missing link in our family for a few years now. My hope and wish for this year is that Chris, Mike and I are able to put the past in the past and build a relationship the way it should have been from the beginning. I love you big brother even though there has not been much of that going around, I apologize for the things that I have done and said that have hurt you. I am not perfect and I should have apologized a long time ago. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season! Best wishes, Tabitha

Feeling Better

I guess I did not realize how bad and down and out I have been feeling the past couple of months, maybe even years. Being depressed and feeling like there was nothing that I wanted to do or could do to make myself feel better. I started a new all natural product recently that has helped me see that I have not been able to be the fun loving cheerful me in a long time. I used to love to go hang out with my friends and be out doing stuff. Here in the last two to three years I have not wanted to do any of that. It was a stay at home in my pajamas and not deal with the world type of life style for me. Unless I was going to doctors appointments or going to work. I was ok with going on late night drives so that I did not have to deal with people and traffic. I could hide in the comfort of my vehicle cause nobody could see me. Whoa wait a minute what happened to the person i used to be, what happened to the person who was always going out with friends and was never home, always had something on my plate to do. I remember working two jobs and helping a friend raise her kids cause she was struggling at the time and still had time to do what I wanted. In the past couple of years just working one job and going to school has taken a toll on me. I know that I have been sick but I really want at least some part of my life back, where I enjoy going out and being with people and not sitting at home. I have finally started to feel that way again in the last month. I feel like I am starting to find little pieces of me and what makes me happy and what makes me tick. Dont get me wrong I have been happy for the last three years. I love my family and I would not trade them for anything, I have been ok with doing nothing but working and going to school or taking care of my husband and animals and Kelsey. But I felt like I lost a part of me along the way, and am finally starting to get that back. I feel like I can breath again. I finally know what it is I want out of life and am working towards reaching that goal and becoming the person that I want to be. The person God wants me to be. Its an interesting journey and I don't know where I will be or how I will get there, but I know the only thing that I can do is leave the worries and concerns and the things that I cant change up to the Lord and let him guide me where he will. We have had a lot of heartache and disappointments over the last couple of years, and even over the last couple of months. We are having to put the plans and process of buying a house on hold for a little while. This of course is a hard thing to do, it is something that we have dreamed about being able to do since we first got together. But you have to do what you have to do. It will probably be about another year or so before we can make this a reality in our lives. By then who knows where we will be at what will be going on in our lives.It brakes my heart to have to give up on a dream that we have been working toward for years now, at least for the time being. I am looking forward to Wednesday of this next week, we are getting family photos done for the first time since Kelsey became a part of our family. One of the ladies that I go to school with is taking them for us and I cant wait. I hope that everybody is doing well and had a great holiday weekend!

I have had major learning experiences. This one is the hardest for me. To have to sit back and watched loved ones make decisions that will probably hurt them or make them unhappy in the end and not say anything. Anybody who knows me knows that I have a hard time keep my mouth shut. But this time I know I can't speak my mind. What I think and the hurt that it has caused me is nobodies issue but mine and if I voice it or say something about it its just going to cause more problems. I don't want to cause problems. Its tearing me up inside and im ready to scream and yell and pull my hair out. But we are all adults and that's not very adult like. I guess I will just keep it bottled up and not say anything.

The past

I have so many friends that I have reconnected with from my past. I love the fact that you can reconnect and be friends and be there for each other like we did when we were younger. The one thing that I have come to learn is that even when you think that people are who they say they are it isnt always true, I tried to help out someone who was very close to me and who I considered family, did everything that I could to help that person out of a bad situation. After doing everything that I could and helping that person get into a better place in their life it was all thrown back in my face today. I am trying to be happy and trying not to get to pissed about it, but it is hard when you feel betrayed and used. I know that its whatever makes the person happy is the best thing for them. But how am I suppose to do that when I feel like everything I did was a waste of time. The money I spent the time together, everything that I did to make them feel better and all I get is a flipping email to say it was all a waste of time.... Are you kidding me.... At least have the respect for me to pick up the phone and talk to me and let me know whats going on. Sending an email is the worst thing that could have been done. I am not some trash that you can throw away on the side of the road and not think about again. I cant do it any more. I cant be the one who stands there and helps through the problems just to be put aside, I am not the person that is ok with being used. I will do anything to help a friend out, if you are a part of my family there is nothing that I wont do. Open my house, help out financially when I can whatever takes. All I ask in return is that you help yourself out and make good decisions for yourself and your kids. Those decisions are not mine to make. Each individual has to make their own decisions for what is best for themselves and there family. So I am off my soap box and over the whole thing. Im done and I wont do it any more.

Hard tines

Dealing with all of the mixed emotions and doubts that nave come up lately has not been easy. Chris being gone all the time is driving me crazy. I hate being at home and not having him around. Hopefully the company will figure out a way to get him home more.
Dealing with the financial issues that we have is driving me crazy. I feel like we take 10 steps forward and a 100 steps backwards every couple of months. Im tired of it. We are making great strides in getting things paid off but I am so tired of not knowing month to month if we are going to have a roof over our heads or food on the table or electricity or whatever else. Im just done with it. I can't take it anymore. I just want to be ok and for the stress to go away for a while. Just to be able to breath for once would be nice. Hopefully one day I will be able to do that....