July 2012

This month is an exciting month. Chris and I celebrated 6 years of marriage on the 1st. It is amazing to look back on everything that we have been through and see that we are still standing next to each other walking this journey together, one step at a time.


Things are going wonderful for us. We had Britney staying with us for a couple of weeks while she was getting settled into a new state and a fresh out look on life. It was a blast having her here and working on building our relationship back up to what it used to be.


We found a couple of weeks ago that we are probably going to be moving to Midland Texas. It is a better position for Chris with work. I am excited about this because it means that he will be home more as well as we will be closer to Colorado by about 8 and a half to 9 hours. This makes me very excited! I havent seen my family now in 6 almost 7 months and needless to say I am home sick. I am ready to go visit everyone. Cant say as Colorado feels like "home" any more because my home is wherever Chris is. I really dont miss the state of Colorado I just miss the people that are there. There are days that I wish I could gather up the loved ones I have up there and just bring you all down here :). Yep I would say I am missing my family and friends :). I cant wait to see my dad and mom and my little brother Zach. I miss them the most! Talking on the phone is just not the same.


 Other then having a few days the last couple of weeks were I really havent felt well, things have been good. I have been busy busy busy with work, and Chris was able to relax at home for the last week and half. Which is what he needed after all the crazy stuff that happened before that. He leaves in about 3 hours to go out of town again. But at least this time its only for a few days and then he will back and we will be headed to Midland to check the area out and try to find a place to live. 


I hope that everyone is doing well! Miss you all and love you lots!

May 2012

Sorry I have not written in a long time. So many things have changed for us. So I will do my best to get everyone updated on what is going on in our lives.

 We moved around the 10th of May. We love our new place and have made it feel like home. We moved into a one bedroom with a den apartment. It is perfect for what Chris and I need right now. We are both tired of living in an apartment but we will deal with it until we are able to move into a house. Our hopes for this is that we are able to get things paid off this year and part of next year and then next summer be able to buy a house. We will be staying in Texas but we are not sure if we are going to stay in the area that we are in. At this time it all depends on what happens with On Site Safety.

 Chris is still working for On Site. There have been some problems with in the company so I am not sure what is going to happen with his position over the next year. We will take it one day at a time and go from there. We are still trying to get his teeth fixed but the insurance is fighting with us over what they will pay for. Hoping to have that taken care of with in the next couple of months. Other then that he is doing great. Working hard and trying to get things done here at home.

As for me I am working from home for Insulite labs. I love the company that I work for as well as the work that I do for them. I supervise three other ladies, all of us suffer from PCOS. We are out in the community as well as the internet supporting other women who are dealing with the same issues that we are. We research information and try to get it out there as much as possible. Its an amazing feeling be able to help others the way that we are. I am looking at going back to school. I have not decided where or exactly what field at this point. I have two options and I have to decide what is going to be best for Chris and I. I lost my health insurance so for right now I am not seeing any doctors for my issues but I am hoping that in the next month or so I can get insurance again and get back into see a doctor. I am feeling fine right now and nothing seems to be wrong except for a migraine headache every now and then. But that is something that I have dealt with my entire life. Other then that things are good and there is nothing new.

 Britney chris's cousin has been staying with us for the weekend and so far this week. She has been going to job interviews and working hard to find a job so that her husband and son can join her here in Texas. So far she loves the area and cant wait for her and her family to be able to start their new life. Very exciting things going on.

I hope that things are going well for all of you!

Lots of love
Tabitha

Updates

Wow it's crazy to think we have been in Texas for a year now. The time flys by. We love it down here and are happy that we were able to be here.

On Friday we are moving into our new place! Supper excited about that. Its newer then the place that we are in now and a lot nicer. It's a gated community but it's set up differently then the ones we are in now so I am hoping we wont have as many problems. I am very excited and can't wait even though the actual moving part is no fun.

Chris is doing well. Work has been really really slow for him lately so that has been a concern for us. I am working for Insulitelabs now and so far it's enjoyable. It allows me to work from home as well as go back to school. For this I am very thankful.

Other then that not much has happened in our lives. Just the same ol same ol.

Sasha

March 1st 2012 at 1030am Sasha girl passed from our world to cross over the rainbow bridge. I know that she, Griz and K.C. will be waiting for us when its our time to enter heaven. She was a faithful friend, a playful pet, a tear catcher, and one of the best friends I have ever had. No matter what you did or said to her she was always there with love and kisses. You could be having your worst day ever and she would come in and brighten it up. I will forever carry her in my heart and love her more then I could ever explain. I Love you Sasha!!!We will miss you very very much!

Feb and love is in the air

Things have been such an up and down battle the last three weeks. Between the transmission going out in my truck, the animals driving me crazy and Chris being gone all the time. Stressful!! I have really felt like I was going to snap. Want/needed a break from everyday life. To my surprise my Knight and Shinning Armor (that would be Chris) rides in on his Horse and saves the day. He has planned a weekend away. Just the two of us :) I am so excited to be able to get out of town, with no worries, no stress and one on one time with my husband for valentines day. Its so exciting to be able to go and doing things together that we have not been able to do since we got married. We have come so far and accomplished so much over the last couple of years, months and days. I fall in love with him more and more each day. Knowing that he is supporting me in everything that I do makes it so much better. No how many times I screw up hes right there picking me up and holding my hand.

Chris has planned a full day at the spa for me on Saturday :) I cant wait to relax and be pampered :). This is something that he has talked about doing for years and we have not been able to afford it. He is excited to be able to this for me and cant stop grinning from ear to ear when we talk about this weekend. In the six years that we have been together we haven't had the chance to spend time together like this since our honeymoon in Steam boat springs. I am sooo excited I feel like I am going to explode.

 This weekend has brought up thoughts and talks about our anniversary and what we want to do for it. I have been loving the fact that we are talking about our future and working towards it one step at a time. Its such an amazing thing to combine two lives into one and know that its going to last for as long as it can. To me its like the first couple of years where our "dating" years, even though we were married. It was like we knew what we wanted but we weren't ready to take the steps forward to get to where we wanted to go. The last couple of years we have been working forward to the dreams that we have. Doing what it takes to make those dreams come true, working with each other instead of against each other.

Looking back on where we were 6 years ago almost seven years ago compared to where we are today blows me away. We have worked so hard to get to where we are. We have gone through so much and have conquered so much to get to where we are today. We have grown up, grown apart, grown back together and have finally found where we fit together. Its like falling in love all over again. When you find that spot with the person that you love it changes the dynamic of your lives together and everything that is going on in it.

I want to say thank you to Tiffany Deats! She is taking care of our animals and our house for us while we are enjoying ourselves this weekend! Thank you for being a great friend and helping us out this way!!!

With that being said Brittney Deats has been an amazing friend as well. Thank you sweetie for supporting me and being there for me, even when I am embarrassed of myself and dont want to admit that I have failed at something. You girls keep me going and I love both of you very much! I am so thankful to have such great friends and cant wait to build new relationships and make ours stronger!


I hope that everyone has a great weekend and a fantastic valentines day!!!

End of Jan

Well Chris is off again. I really hate the times when hes only home for one maybe two days and then he is gone again. You feel rushed to get everything done and to spend time together. Its easier to deal with when hes here for a full week.
 My settlement came in which is a life saver. Now we can get bills paid off and get that stress off of us. I am excited about that :) It will be nice to not worry about which bill needs to be paid and where the money is going to come from. I am excited about owning my truck out right and not having that payment any more :) Now its just to saving the money to buy a house and then we will be set to go. We have not decided yet which area we are going to buy in but we are looking to see what will be right for us.

  For us this year is all about changes and making ourselves better and healthier people. It has started out so positive and seems to be staying that way. Hopefully 6 months from now I can say the same thing lol. 

The joys of being an adult

You wake up one morning and realize that you are no longer a kid. The things that you used to do are things that you now look back at and think "what in the world was I thinking." During my life I have met a lot of people. Every one of those people from the friends I grew up with to the family that has been added through out the years has been an important part in making me who I am today. Each person has played an important role in helping me to be the best that I can be. When you get close to people you go through the ups and the downs with them.  You become the ear to listen, the shoulder to cry on. I know that a lot of my friends and family have been there for me through my hard times as well. I think the most heart braking times is when the people that we care about hit rock bottom. You want to jump in and make everything better. You want to wrap them in your arms and protect them from everything that is going on in their lives. It is so hard to step back and let them work through their problems on their own. To not give advice and to suggest things would be better if they would only do this or that. Then there are times that you get the phone call or the text message that makes your heart brake and you have no idea how to help. You feel helpless and just want to make it all better. Over the past couple of weeks I have been handed a couple of these situations. There is much confusion, heartbreak, and many tears that have been shed. People have told me many of times to let go of my worries and allow God to take them and fix them in his way. I have been trying so hard to just let it go and allow him to work his ways. Its so hard to let things go.

  A soldier who is fighting for our freedom and his family were given a tough road to travel this week and in the end God came through and his baby girl was able to go home from the hospital today after being diagnosed with have a stroke at 4 days old. If it was not for the faith of the family, friends and people who dont even know them things may not have turned out so well. Thank you Travis for everything that you do for our country, Thank you Kasi for being the fantastic wife, mother and friend that you are! Baby Abbigayle my prayers are with you little one as you continue your life and become an amazing woman that I know your mama and dad will help you to be.

There have been tough times within our family as well. Family members have walked away and turned their backs on each other. There have been many of hearts broken and tears shed. I dont understand why people think that if they turn their backs and lie and walk away that all the problems go away. I wish that people would understand that more hearts are broken by words left unsaid then by the lies that are told. I have had fights with family members and am so thankful that those have been resolved and now things are going well. I have gained contact with some whom I have not talked to in years. I could not ask for more. I am so thankful for each person who is in my life, for each of those who have passed through my life and those who are to come.


I ask that those who read this say a prayer for our family. That there will be peace, love reignited and bridges rebuilt. You can do all things through Christ and everything that he brings us to he will bring us through.

On a happier note my dad is going after something that he has wanted for a while now. I am so proud of him and so proud that he is my dad. He is such a positive role model and I love him so very much. Prayers for him and my Step mom and my little brother Zach that he is able to get this position at work and that their lives will be blessed this year with everything that they need.

Down Day

I have dealt with Chris being gone off and on for so long that you would think it would be just another part of life. Most the time I have no problems with it and I manage and deal and just move forward with whatever it is I need to do. This time around it is really killing me. I've been sick which probably has a lot to do with it, but still. All I want is for him to come home and be here with me. Our four legged creatures who I love to death are driving me up the wall and I am ready to be away from them for a while. Not sure what that is all about either. I guess everything is just driving me crazy and irritating me this go around. Hopefully here before long I will feel better and wont feel this way lol.

As for Chris he is traveling the US in a matter of a week. Ok not the whole US but close. He left Texas Friday and stopped in Oklahoma and then traveled through Kansas into Colorado where he stayed for three days. Then he was shipped off to North Dakota via Wyoming and Montana. He arrived in North Dakota Tuesday morning just be told that he has to be in Arkansas on Monday morning. So hes on the road again. As of an hour ago he was in Bismark North Dakota dropping some stuff off and then he will be headed out again. Long trip for one person to make by themselves, but hes done it before and I am sure that he will do it again. Praying that he makes it through without any problems. Its always nerve racking when he is on the road by himself with nasty weather conditions and winter weather. So lots and lots of prayers for safe travels and some rest.

On another note Sasha is going into the vet in two weeks and I have a feeling that the vet is going to tell us its time to put her down. She is having problems walking up and down the stairs, shes not really eating and shes coughing all the time. I knew the day would come and we would have to say good bye, but you are never really prepared for it. I just dont want to see her suffer any more. So whatever the vet says is what we will do. Nerve racking and stressful but I will get through it. Confederate and Harley are doing well. Confederate is starting to get gray under his chin and on his chest. Its hard to believe that he is 7 years old already. Seems like just yesterday he was a puppy and playing in the water. Harley just turned a year old. she is going in at the same time as Sasha to get De-clawed. She thinks that every piece of furniture is a scratching post for her and we have tried all the sprays and everything that the vet recommended so the claws are coming out. I dont worry about the dogs and her, they pretty much know that she is boss and they just have to deal with it LOL. On Saturday Kasi Sue had Abbigayle! That was exciting! She is such a beautiful little girl. Unfortunately she was rushed to the hospital on monday due to having seizures. The doctors first told them that there was bleeding in her brain so they did an MRI, found out it was not bleeding which meant no swelling to the brain, but it was a misshaped vessel. They Abbigayle on meds and did a CT scan the next day. Then decided to do an angioplazy in order to inject the dye into her system so the doctors could see what was going on better. This came back clear and the vessel was gone. She was moved out of the NICU yesterday, today they took the IV out, but they are still not ready to let her go home. Lots and lots of prayers are needed for this family. Travis is in the military and is home on R and R right now, but he is scheduled to leave again here soon. Lots and lots of prayers for him and his fellow soldiers who are fighting for us. Lots of love to all of you!

Being apart

Chris left on friday and we have no idea how long its going to be, before he gets to come home again. At times I feel like I am a married widow the way the company sends him away. I know that there are a million people out there that deal with their loved ones being gone for longer periods of time. I cant say that I know how they feel because its different for everyone. There are times that I thrive while he is gone. Getting a tone of stuff done and taking care of the house and animals and myself. This time around I am sick and wish he was here lol. Sound like a big baby? Yeah just a little bit lol.

I am so excited about what is going to happen this year for chris and I. Being able to become debt free, buy our first home and whatever else comes our way. Its the most exciting thing that I can think of. I have been looking for furniture and wall paint and thinking about where I want things and what kinds of floors I want and so on. Its exciting. I make a list of everything that I like and chris and I sit down together and go over it along with the list that he has made and we come to agreements on everything that we both want in the house. I love love love that we can do this together. That we can make these decisions as a couple and be happy with what we have come out with. I have dated other people, but this is the first time that I found somebody who likes the same things that I do and has almost the same sense of design and colors that I do. I love him more then I can put into words and truly miss him very very much. On the positive side right now he is able to spend time with his parents for at least two days. Maybe more.

Car Accident may 2009 Update

So its been almost three years since my accident. We have finally come to terms with the other guys insurance and are coming to an end in this long battle. We found out yesterday that we will be receiving a check for $12,000.00 for the pay off of this case. It could not come at a better time for us. We are in the process of trying to get things paid off so that we can buy our first house. We have already found the house that we want and the area that we want it in. Getting this money allows us to pay off my truck and a lot of other bills and get people paid back. Its an amazing feeling to know that we will pretty much be debt free by the end of this year instead of next year. I am very excited that we are finally reaching our goals and making things happen for us. Its been a long journey and its finally coming to an end. I am in the process of taking my school stuff to were I want it to be. Very excited about where it is going . A few more years and I will be done.
Chris is gone again for a few weeks. Which sucks but thats ok. It allows me to get to things done around the house. He is thinking about taking things in a different route next year as far as work goes. We will see where that goes as the year goes on. I hope that he finds what he wants and can be happy again.
I have doctors appointments set up non stop it seems like over the next couple of months and am looking surgery with in the next month or so. I will give more information once I know what is going on and when.
I hope that 2012 has been a good year so far for all of you!

Christmas

Merry Christmas! We hope that everyone is doing well. The days are getting shorter and Christmas is almost here. I hope that everyone is enjoying this wonderful holiday season and is remembering that its about family and friends and not whats under the tree. Chris and I are geared up and ready to go. we are excited to be heading to Colorado to see some of our family. Plans are already being made and our time is short. I hope to see everyone that I can and to those that we cant see please know that we love you and will find time next summer to come out and see you all. I am not looking forward to the drive up there though. We are expecting snow from Raton New Mexico through Colorado Springs. I am glad to be away from that down here and do not look forward to dealing with it again :). We had to say goodbye to Eric and Dee Dee Moyes this week as they are traveling back to Utah to start their lives down there. Eric graduated from school up here and has already been offered a job in Utah so CONGRATS ERIC!!! We are so very proud of you. You guys are amazing people and I feel so blessed to have had you all apart of our lives even for the short time it was. You all will be missed dearly in this household. Chris and I are excited about the new year and whats planned for us. Its nice to have our time and be alone again. Its been to long sense we have spent one on one time together and have an empty house just to the two of us. We are enjoying every minute of it. We have not decided if we are going to try for children of our own after my surgery next year or not. We will just have to wait and see. when we are able to buy a house of our own we have talked about adopting a little one. We will see what happens when the time comes. We wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS where ever you are and hope that each one of you is blessed with happiness, love and lots of smiles in this next year to come. Love Tabitha

Christmas 2011

Since there have been a lot of changes in our lives here recently, Chris and I decided that this year we are going to Colorado and are going to spend Christmas with my family. In the six years that we have been married Chris and I have not spent Christmas with my family at all. So this is a new thing for us and we are both very excited about it. It is going to be a great Holiday season for our family this year! Things have truly turned around for the better for us this year. We had some down times and had some issues to work through but as we are getting closer to the end of the year, things are truly looking up for us. We had hopes of buying a house this year and having a permanent place to call home, all I can say is thank God for unanswered prayers. I look at it now and realize that the house and the area that we were looking at would not have been a good fit for our family and the dreams that we have. So onto next year, we are planning on renting for another year and continuing to get things paid off. After that we will look into the possibilities of owning our first home. I do not want to rush into something like that, I want to make sure that Chris and I are able to get what we want and something that will last us for a long time to come. We are looking forward to what next year is going to bring. Being here in Texas I have made some awesome friends and am so glad to have them in my life. Its amazing how you grow and learn and realize that things that used to be important are no longer as important and things that you really thought were important or that were easily taken for granted are actually REALLY important and should not be taken for granted. I thank God everyday for giving me the people in my life to help me grow, change, love, and learn. Each one of you is so important to me! Hope everyone has a great Holiday season! Love and warm wishes, Tabitha

2011

I have seen and heard so many things happen this year. People losing loved ones, pets that meant the world to them, losing jobs, some gaining new jobs,finding love in random places,jobs failing into place, family being brought back together after months of being apart. Best friends becoming nothing more then a hello here or there,people finding out that something they wished for and dreamed for is never going to come true, losing a career you thought that you would always be with. Having loved ones be gone for work all the time, having new miracles born. Tears have been shed this year, good ones, bad ones, confused ones, hurt ones and Happy joyful ones. I don't understand why a lot of these things happened and I know that I never will. God has a reason for them and we just have to let him do his thing. With the Holidays coming on I know where I stand. I know what is going to happen to me in the end. I am no longer afraid of what tomorrow brings, whether it be good, bad, scary, or just normal everyday life. I know that I am going to get through it and that everything will be ok in the end. Having this peace in my heart reminds me that not everybody feels the same way I do. So as I sit here and think about everyone in my life and the way each one of you have helped me learn, grow and become the person that I am, as well as the person I will continue to grow into I find myself saying a prayer for each of the individuals and families that have had good times and bad this year. I am sure many agree with me when I say I cant wait for this year to be over and for next year to be here. A fresh start, a new beginning,and new goals to work towards. That's what so many people look forward to when Jan 1st comes along each year. I dread the day... it puts me one step closer to 30.. Ugh lol j/k. I am not scared about getting old,I am blessed to have the best husband in the world to stand by my side no matter what is going on. The love that the two of us shares is something that I have never felt so strongly in my life. Even though he spends most his time at away from home we cherish every moment together. It hasn't always been like this, but god has worked on our hearts and in our minds and showed us what needed to be done in order for us to make things right and to flow the way that he wants them to. Even when I am stressed out and think that there is no where to go and there is no way out of it, Chris stands by me and helps me figure out what needs to be done next. As we continue into this Holiday season I wish the Brown Family some happiness, I pray that you will find peace in this season and a light at the end of the tunnel. For the Levy family I wish you many more years of love, You two are amazing parents and a great couple! I pray that Doug will be able to spend more time at home and that you will be blessed with all the children you want. For Miss. Sarah Flint I hope that you find happiness again, I pray that you learn to love yourself for who you are and learn to live again. Miss. Katie Diss I love you girl, my wish for you this holiday season is to find true happiness, to figure out what it is that you want out of your life and to be truly happy from the bottom of your heart to that beautiful smile on your face, you deserve it girl! For the Kolkman clan my wish for you this holiday is to get through school and have all your dreams come true, I have faith in both of you to get through your schooling and becoming the amazing people you are growing up to be :). For the Williams family, You guys are wonderful people and I am so blessed to have you in my life, My wish for you this year is that Justin will be home for Christmas to spend JD's first Christmas with him and your beautiful older son Cole. For the Thomas family, my wish for you all is that you guys get settled into Texas and that Nick gets to be with his family more.The Moyes family, my wish for you all is that you have a safe trip home to Utah and that you are able to find a house quickly, You guys are a wonderful, amazing family and we are going to miss you so much when you are gone! For the Furlong family my wish for you both is that you continue to find happiness in your lives, you are a great couple and have taught us so much. The Jones family I wish you happiness and lots of love through out the Holidays. I love each and everyone of you very much and hope that you all have a wonderful holiday season. For our holiday season the one true wish I have for Chris is that his brother Mike is able to understand that we all make mistakes and that even though we make mistakes we never stop loving one another. Mike has been a missing link in our family for a few years now. My hope and wish for this year is that Chris, Mike and I are able to put the past in the past and build a relationship the way it should have been from the beginning. I love you big brother even though there has not been much of that going around, I apologize for the things that I have done and said that have hurt you. I am not perfect and I should have apologized a long time ago. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season! Best wishes, Tabitha

Feeling Better

I guess I did not realize how bad and down and out I have been feeling the past couple of months, maybe even years. Being depressed and feeling like there was nothing that I wanted to do or could do to make myself feel better. I started a new all natural product recently that has helped me see that I have not been able to be the fun loving cheerful me in a long time. I used to love to go hang out with my friends and be out doing stuff. Here in the last two to three years I have not wanted to do any of that. It was a stay at home in my pajamas and not deal with the world type of life style for me. Unless I was going to doctors appointments or going to work. I was ok with going on late night drives so that I did not have to deal with people and traffic. I could hide in the comfort of my vehicle cause nobody could see me. Whoa wait a minute what happened to the person i used to be, what happened to the person who was always going out with friends and was never home, always had something on my plate to do. I remember working two jobs and helping a friend raise her kids cause she was struggling at the time and still had time to do what I wanted. In the past couple of years just working one job and going to school has taken a toll on me. I know that I have been sick but I really want at least some part of my life back, where I enjoy going out and being with people and not sitting at home. I have finally started to feel that way again in the last month. I feel like I am starting to find little pieces of me and what makes me happy and what makes me tick. Dont get me wrong I have been happy for the last three years. I love my family and I would not trade them for anything, I have been ok with doing nothing but working and going to school or taking care of my husband and animals and Kelsey. But I felt like I lost a part of me along the way, and am finally starting to get that back. I feel like I can breath again. I finally know what it is I want out of life and am working towards reaching that goal and becoming the person that I want to be. The person God wants me to be. Its an interesting journey and I don't know where I will be or how I will get there, but I know the only thing that I can do is leave the worries and concerns and the things that I cant change up to the Lord and let him guide me where he will. We have had a lot of heartache and disappointments over the last couple of years, and even over the last couple of months. We are having to put the plans and process of buying a house on hold for a little while. This of course is a hard thing to do, it is something that we have dreamed about being able to do since we first got together. But you have to do what you have to do. It will probably be about another year or so before we can make this a reality in our lives. By then who knows where we will be at what will be going on in our lives.It brakes my heart to have to give up on a dream that we have been working toward for years now, at least for the time being. I am looking forward to Wednesday of this next week, we are getting family photos done for the first time since Kelsey became a part of our family. One of the ladies that I go to school with is taking them for us and I cant wait. I hope that everybody is doing well and had a great holiday weekend!

I have had major learning experiences. This one is the hardest for me. To have to sit back and watched loved ones make decisions that will probably hurt them or make them unhappy in the end and not say anything. Anybody who knows me knows that I have a hard time keep my mouth shut. But this time I know I can't speak my mind. What I think and the hurt that it has caused me is nobodies issue but mine and if I voice it or say something about it its just going to cause more problems. I don't want to cause problems. Its tearing me up inside and im ready to scream and yell and pull my hair out. But we are all adults and that's not very adult like. I guess I will just keep it bottled up and not say anything.

The past

I have so many friends that I have reconnected with from my past. I love the fact that you can reconnect and be friends and be there for each other like we did when we were younger. The one thing that I have come to learn is that even when you think that people are who they say they are it isnt always true, I tried to help out someone who was very close to me and who I considered family, did everything that I could to help that person out of a bad situation. After doing everything that I could and helping that person get into a better place in their life it was all thrown back in my face today. I am trying to be happy and trying not to get to pissed about it, but it is hard when you feel betrayed and used. I know that its whatever makes the person happy is the best thing for them. But how am I suppose to do that when I feel like everything I did was a waste of time. The money I spent the time together, everything that I did to make them feel better and all I get is a flipping email to say it was all a waste of time.... Are you kidding me.... At least have the respect for me to pick up the phone and talk to me and let me know whats going on. Sending an email is the worst thing that could have been done. I am not some trash that you can throw away on the side of the road and not think about again. I cant do it any more. I cant be the one who stands there and helps through the problems just to be put aside, I am not the person that is ok with being used. I will do anything to help a friend out, if you are a part of my family there is nothing that I wont do. Open my house, help out financially when I can whatever takes. All I ask in return is that you help yourself out and make good decisions for yourself and your kids. Those decisions are not mine to make. Each individual has to make their own decisions for what is best for themselves and there family. So I am off my soap box and over the whole thing. Im done and I wont do it any more.

Hard tines

Dealing with all of the mixed emotions and doubts that nave come up lately has not been easy. Chris being gone all the time is driving me crazy. I hate being at home and not having him around. Hopefully the company will figure out a way to get him home more.
Dealing with the financial issues that we have is driving me crazy. I feel like we take 10 steps forward and a 100 steps backwards every couple of months. Im tired of it. We are making great strides in getting things paid off but I am so tired of not knowing month to month if we are going to have a roof over our heads or food on the table or electricity or whatever else. Im just done with it. I can't take it anymore. I just want to be ok and for the stress to go away for a while. Just to be able to breath for once would be nice. Hopefully one day I will be able to do that....

Wow just Wow

I am not the type of person to judge someone else and how they deal with their family. Everyone has their own way of doing it and their opinions on how it should be done. I listen, I help when I am asked but most the time I have learned after many many years to keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. But when someone butts into my life and the way that I am dealing with my family it really pisses me off. Especially when people have no idea whats been going on for the last 6 years and have no idea how much I have changed from the ways that I used to be. Yes I screwed up, yes I lied and cheated and hurt a lot of people while I was growing up. But really who hasnt at some point in their life. I am NOT perfect and I never said I was, I do not know everything and never said I did. I have made my own bed and have had to lay in it many times. Does this mean that I am a bad person, in my eyes no, it means that I am a human and am bound to make mistakes. As long as I move forward and learn from my mistakes then I think that is all that anybody could ask of me. So to those that I have wronged in my life and I know who you are and I am sure that you know you who I are, I want to apologize for the lies that were told, the hurtful things that were said, the backstabbing that went on, the rumors that were told and anything else that I may have done to hurt you. It took me a while to grow up and realize that what I was doing was wrong. Right should have known from the beginning that it was wrong, but at the time it was all about me and what I needed to do for me. I am sorry that I was selfish and self serving and I hope that you all can see that I am not the same person any more. I have moved on with my life, have gone through some very scary life threatening things that have made me realize that there is no room in my life for these types of actions. If I want to be loved and be able to love others it starts with me changing my actions. I believe that I have been doing that over the years. I am still a work in progress, but those that are standing with me and are walking this path with me will realize that I will always be a work in progress,but at least its progress. I cant change the fact that I made mistakes in my past but only I can fix the hurt that I caused and only I can make myself a better person. I am doing everything that I can to be the wife I want to be for my husband. Trying to take care of his needs as well as keep the house going and the bills paid. This is not always an easy task with him being gone all the time, but I am making it happen. I am trying to be the best "mother" that I can be to Kelsey. I know she is an adult but there are times that she still needs me to be the "mom" she did not have growing up. I am trying to be the best friend that I can be, yes there are times that I don't answer my phone or it takes a couple of days for me to get on fb and comment on something that is going on, I know I don't keep in contact with my friends the way that I should. I have a busy life and I know that my friends do as well. All I can say is I am trying to do what I can and be there for everyone who needs me. I am only one person and can only do so much. I am trying to be the best big sister that my little brother could ask for, I wish that I could spend more time with him. He is a wonderful, amazing young man and I love him to pieces! ( I would never say that to his face cause at 13 that would totally embarrass him :) LMAO) I am trying to be the best daughter I can be, not only for my dad by doing what I can to help him out, but also to my mom. I know a lot of people would tell me that she doesn't deserve it after everything that she has done to me, for those people I say God tells us to forgive those who have wronged us, That I have done, I will never forget what she has done to me, but I have forgiven her. I am trying to do everything that I can for my in-laws. I know I know that's not a word that the family likes to use. I can only do so much and I feel at times that it gets thrown back in my face. That's why I have stopped doing a lot of what I used to do. I don't know what else to do or what else to say that will help any more. I love my family even with the troubles that it has and would do whatever I could to help most of them. I love my friends and would do anything I could to help them out as well. For those of you that have stood by me and watched me grow and learn my lessons and those of you that continue to stand by me THANK YOU. There's nothing else I can really say.

Amazing stuff

I did something that I never thought I would do. After years of dealing with the anger and hatred that I held for my biological mother and after all the lies I dealt with from her, I finally forgave her. I have many reasons for my decision and the main one is my niece. I want to be able to have a relationship with her. There have been so many lies and so many changes within this side of my family over the last couple of years that I was not sure that I really wanted to deal with it. But after lots of prayers and lots of thoughts I decided it was time. I sat down and wrote her two letters explaining where I was coming from and what was going in my life, and what I wanted from her and expected of her. She called me yesterday and we talked for over an hour. It was a great conversation, yes I have to keep in mind that she does lie about stuff and take a lot of what she says with a grain of salt. But as long as I do that things will be ok. It was great to talk to my niece and make sure that she is doing ok. Knowing that we are close to them and I can go see my niece and spend time with her is a great feeling. I am still kind of mixed on the relationship with my mom. I am not sure how close I want to get and how far I want to take that relationship. I guess we will just have to wait and see how it goes over time. As far as things down here in this beautiful state of Texas things are good. We are close to one of the fires, but so far it has not put us in danger. We are keeping track of it as much as possible and making sure we are ready to go if it does get to close.

Harley went into the vet on Tuesday and got her shots and spayed. She was mad at me all day Wednesday and would not come near me until Thursday. She was sleepy and moody but as of yesterday she is back to her normal self being a pain in the but lol. We love her anyways :).

Confederate is now here in Texas with us full time. He seems to be happy he is here and is doing great. He has slimmed down since the last time that he was here and is in great health. We are glad to have him with us and to be able to have our whole family together again for the most part.

Sasha turns 13 this month. She is doing well, her hips give her problems some times but she still plays with Confederate and gets excited when we come home. She is shedding like no tomorrow but that's ok. We will get through it.

Kelsey sue is doing great! She is finishing up some school stuff and is getting excited for college. She has recently been in contact with an aunt and uncle that she has not talked to in a very long time. She is very excited about it and is looking forward to what life is going to bring her. She is not longer dating Jason, but is happy being single and is enjoying life. Her 19th birthday is right around the corner and she is very excited for it. We have not decided what we are going to do for it, but it will be remember able like always. We love her very much and are so proud of her and the things that she is accomplishing in her life. She is working part time and loves her job.

Chris is doing well. He has been working here in Texas for the last two weeks, Unfortunately he was not working close to home so he was not able to be at home, but from the sounds of it he will be here more then he will be in North Dakota. He will still have to go back and forth but hopefully he will be down here more. Things are changing around the company again so it will be interesting to see what comes of it all further down the road. I am doing well. Health seems to be doing well, minus the migraine headaches and my left knee going crazy. See the doctor on Monday for that. We have met some amazing people down here and I am so happy to be able to call them friends. They have really helped out in a pinch and are wonderful people. Sadly some of our great friends are going to be leaving to go back home to Utah in Jan, We will miss the Moyes family very much but at least we can stay in contact with them :). Brittany and Tiffany have been great friends and a load of help for us down here. They are both very loving people and I am so thankful they are in my life as well as kelseys. I hope that this finds everybody doing well! Love you all.

General thoughts

So I remember what high school was like.  Not a good four years for me. What I don't remember is bragging to my best friends/ sisters about who I slept with. Especially if my best friends were related to that person in some way. I don't remember my adopted brothers bragging to me about with one of my friends they slept with. Back then alot of people were having sex and I know today its alot worse but really let's not kiss and tell. Its nobody else's business who you are sleeping with. When or how you are doing it. If you are going to be stupid about it you better hope that the female involved doesn't get pregnant. That would really be bad. So all I can say is grow up, have some respect for the person you are dating, your sister of all people,  and keep this crap private.
  On another soap box here... I remember there being an unwritten code that all of us girls had.  You don't date your friends exboyfriends and you sure as he'll don't date there brothers or sisters. What happened to that respect for your friends. Does friendship not mean as much these days? I know that every now and then this code would get broken and relationships would come up with an ex or even a sibling and 9 times out of 10 the "friends" involved would end up losing the relationship that they had because it. Is it really worth losing the closeness of your best friend over. Are you willing to throw that friendship away because you need and want to get laid and fell like you are "loved"? If it is I feel really sad for that person. I mean really if you feel that low then there is something else going on that you need to look at and fix before you can truly love any body. If you don't love yourself you can not truly love anybody else.
  Ok im off my soap box's. Thank you to all my girlfriends for being apart of my life. The few of you that have stood by me through everything are a true blessing from God. The new ones that have come along are also a blessing from God. I love ya ladies and thank you for your friendship!