Down Day

I have dealt with Chris being gone off and on for so long that you would think it would be just another part of life. Most the time I have no problems with it and I manage and deal and just move forward with whatever it is I need to do. This time around it is really killing me. I've been sick which probably has a lot to do with it, but still. All I want is for him to come home and be here with me. Our four legged creatures who I love to death are driving me up the wall and I am ready to be away from them for a while. Not sure what that is all about either. I guess everything is just driving me crazy and irritating me this go around. Hopefully here before long I will feel better and wont feel this way lol.

As for Chris he is traveling the US in a matter of a week. Ok not the whole US but close. He left Texas Friday and stopped in Oklahoma and then traveled through Kansas into Colorado where he stayed for three days. Then he was shipped off to North Dakota via Wyoming and Montana. He arrived in North Dakota Tuesday morning just be told that he has to be in Arkansas on Monday morning. So hes on the road again. As of an hour ago he was in Bismark North Dakota dropping some stuff off and then he will be headed out again. Long trip for one person to make by themselves, but hes done it before and I am sure that he will do it again. Praying that he makes it through without any problems. Its always nerve racking when he is on the road by himself with nasty weather conditions and winter weather. So lots and lots of prayers for safe travels and some rest.

On another note Sasha is going into the vet in two weeks and I have a feeling that the vet is going to tell us its time to put her down. She is having problems walking up and down the stairs, shes not really eating and shes coughing all the time. I knew the day would come and we would have to say good bye, but you are never really prepared for it. I just dont want to see her suffer any more. So whatever the vet says is what we will do. Nerve racking and stressful but I will get through it. Confederate and Harley are doing well. Confederate is starting to get gray under his chin and on his chest. Its hard to believe that he is 7 years old already. Seems like just yesterday he was a puppy and playing in the water. Harley just turned a year old. she is going in at the same time as Sasha to get De-clawed. She thinks that every piece of furniture is a scratching post for her and we have tried all the sprays and everything that the vet recommended so the claws are coming out. I dont worry about the dogs and her, they pretty much know that she is boss and they just have to deal with it LOL. On Saturday Kasi Sue had Abbigayle! That was exciting! She is such a beautiful little girl. Unfortunately she was rushed to the hospital on monday due to having seizures. The doctors first told them that there was bleeding in her brain so they did an MRI, found out it was not bleeding which meant no swelling to the brain, but it was a misshaped vessel. They Abbigayle on meds and did a CT scan the next day. Then decided to do an angioplazy in order to inject the dye into her system so the doctors could see what was going on better. This came back clear and the vessel was gone. She was moved out of the NICU yesterday, today they took the IV out, but they are still not ready to let her go home. Lots and lots of prayers are needed for this family. Travis is in the military and is home on R and R right now, but he is scheduled to leave again here soon. Lots and lots of prayers for him and his fellow soldiers who are fighting for us. Lots of love to all of you!

Being apart

Chris left on friday and we have no idea how long its going to be, before he gets to come home again. At times I feel like I am a married widow the way the company sends him away. I know that there are a million people out there that deal with their loved ones being gone for longer periods of time. I cant say that I know how they feel because its different for everyone. There are times that I thrive while he is gone. Getting a tone of stuff done and taking care of the house and animals and myself. This time around I am sick and wish he was here lol. Sound like a big baby? Yeah just a little bit lol.

I am so excited about what is going to happen this year for chris and I. Being able to become debt free, buy our first home and whatever else comes our way. Its the most exciting thing that I can think of. I have been looking for furniture and wall paint and thinking about where I want things and what kinds of floors I want and so on. Its exciting. I make a list of everything that I like and chris and I sit down together and go over it along with the list that he has made and we come to agreements on everything that we both want in the house. I love love love that we can do this together. That we can make these decisions as a couple and be happy with what we have come out with. I have dated other people, but this is the first time that I found somebody who likes the same things that I do and has almost the same sense of design and colors that I do. I love him more then I can put into words and truly miss him very very much. On the positive side right now he is able to spend time with his parents for at least two days. Maybe more.

Car Accident may 2009 Update

So its been almost three years since my accident. We have finally come to terms with the other guys insurance and are coming to an end in this long battle. We found out yesterday that we will be receiving a check for $12,000.00 for the pay off of this case. It could not come at a better time for us. We are in the process of trying to get things paid off so that we can buy our first house. We have already found the house that we want and the area that we want it in. Getting this money allows us to pay off my truck and a lot of other bills and get people paid back. Its an amazing feeling to know that we will pretty much be debt free by the end of this year instead of next year. I am very excited that we are finally reaching our goals and making things happen for us. Its been a long journey and its finally coming to an end. I am in the process of taking my school stuff to were I want it to be. Very excited about where it is going . A few more years and I will be done.
Chris is gone again for a few weeks. Which sucks but thats ok. It allows me to get to things done around the house. He is thinking about taking things in a different route next year as far as work goes. We will see where that goes as the year goes on. I hope that he finds what he wants and can be happy again.
I have doctors appointments set up non stop it seems like over the next couple of months and am looking surgery with in the next month or so. I will give more information once I know what is going on and when.
I hope that 2012 has been a good year so far for all of you!

Christmas

Merry Christmas! We hope that everyone is doing well. The days are getting shorter and Christmas is almost here. I hope that everyone is enjoying this wonderful holiday season and is remembering that its about family and friends and not whats under the tree. Chris and I are geared up and ready to go. we are excited to be heading to Colorado to see some of our family. Plans are already being made and our time is short. I hope to see everyone that I can and to those that we cant see please know that we love you and will find time next summer to come out and see you all. I am not looking forward to the drive up there though. We are expecting snow from Raton New Mexico through Colorado Springs. I am glad to be away from that down here and do not look forward to dealing with it again :). We had to say goodbye to Eric and Dee Dee Moyes this week as they are traveling back to Utah to start their lives down there. Eric graduated from school up here and has already been offered a job in Utah so CONGRATS ERIC!!! We are so very proud of you. You guys are amazing people and I feel so blessed to have had you all apart of our lives even for the short time it was. You all will be missed dearly in this household. Chris and I are excited about the new year and whats planned for us. Its nice to have our time and be alone again. Its been to long sense we have spent one on one time together and have an empty house just to the two of us. We are enjoying every minute of it. We have not decided if we are going to try for children of our own after my surgery next year or not. We will just have to wait and see. when we are able to buy a house of our own we have talked about adopting a little one. We will see what happens when the time comes. We wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS where ever you are and hope that each one of you is blessed with happiness, love and lots of smiles in this next year to come. Love Tabitha

Christmas 2011

Since there have been a lot of changes in our lives here recently, Chris and I decided that this year we are going to Colorado and are going to spend Christmas with my family. In the six years that we have been married Chris and I have not spent Christmas with my family at all. So this is a new thing for us and we are both very excited about it. It is going to be a great Holiday season for our family this year! Things have truly turned around for the better for us this year. We had some down times and had some issues to work through but as we are getting closer to the end of the year, things are truly looking up for us. We had hopes of buying a house this year and having a permanent place to call home, all I can say is thank God for unanswered prayers. I look at it now and realize that the house and the area that we were looking at would not have been a good fit for our family and the dreams that we have. So onto next year, we are planning on renting for another year and continuing to get things paid off. After that we will look into the possibilities of owning our first home. I do not want to rush into something like that, I want to make sure that Chris and I are able to get what we want and something that will last us for a long time to come. We are looking forward to what next year is going to bring. Being here in Texas I have made some awesome friends and am so glad to have them in my life. Its amazing how you grow and learn and realize that things that used to be important are no longer as important and things that you really thought were important or that were easily taken for granted are actually REALLY important and should not be taken for granted. I thank God everyday for giving me the people in my life to help me grow, change, love, and learn. Each one of you is so important to me! Hope everyone has a great Holiday season! Love and warm wishes, Tabitha

2011

I have seen and heard so many things happen this year. People losing loved ones, pets that meant the world to them, losing jobs, some gaining new jobs,finding love in random places,jobs failing into place, family being brought back together after months of being apart. Best friends becoming nothing more then a hello here or there,people finding out that something they wished for and dreamed for is never going to come true, losing a career you thought that you would always be with. Having loved ones be gone for work all the time, having new miracles born. Tears have been shed this year, good ones, bad ones, confused ones, hurt ones and Happy joyful ones. I don't understand why a lot of these things happened and I know that I never will. God has a reason for them and we just have to let him do his thing. With the Holidays coming on I know where I stand. I know what is going to happen to me in the end. I am no longer afraid of what tomorrow brings, whether it be good, bad, scary, or just normal everyday life. I know that I am going to get through it and that everything will be ok in the end. Having this peace in my heart reminds me that not everybody feels the same way I do. So as I sit here and think about everyone in my life and the way each one of you have helped me learn, grow and become the person that I am, as well as the person I will continue to grow into I find myself saying a prayer for each of the individuals and families that have had good times and bad this year. I am sure many agree with me when I say I cant wait for this year to be over and for next year to be here. A fresh start, a new beginning,and new goals to work towards. That's what so many people look forward to when Jan 1st comes along each year. I dread the day... it puts me one step closer to 30.. Ugh lol j/k. I am not scared about getting old,I am blessed to have the best husband in the world to stand by my side no matter what is going on. The love that the two of us shares is something that I have never felt so strongly in my life. Even though he spends most his time at away from home we cherish every moment together. It hasn't always been like this, but god has worked on our hearts and in our minds and showed us what needed to be done in order for us to make things right and to flow the way that he wants them to. Even when I am stressed out and think that there is no where to go and there is no way out of it, Chris stands by me and helps me figure out what needs to be done next. As we continue into this Holiday season I wish the Brown Family some happiness, I pray that you will find peace in this season and a light at the end of the tunnel. For the Levy family I wish you many more years of love, You two are amazing parents and a great couple! I pray that Doug will be able to spend more time at home and that you will be blessed with all the children you want. For Miss. Sarah Flint I hope that you find happiness again, I pray that you learn to love yourself for who you are and learn to live again. Miss. Katie Diss I love you girl, my wish for you this holiday season is to find true happiness, to figure out what it is that you want out of your life and to be truly happy from the bottom of your heart to that beautiful smile on your face, you deserve it girl! For the Kolkman clan my wish for you this holiday is to get through school and have all your dreams come true, I have faith in both of you to get through your schooling and becoming the amazing people you are growing up to be :). For the Williams family, You guys are wonderful people and I am so blessed to have you in my life, My wish for you this year is that Justin will be home for Christmas to spend JD's first Christmas with him and your beautiful older son Cole. For the Thomas family, my wish for you all is that you guys get settled into Texas and that Nick gets to be with his family more.The Moyes family, my wish for you all is that you have a safe trip home to Utah and that you are able to find a house quickly, You guys are a wonderful, amazing family and we are going to miss you so much when you are gone! For the Furlong family my wish for you both is that you continue to find happiness in your lives, you are a great couple and have taught us so much. The Jones family I wish you happiness and lots of love through out the Holidays. I love each and everyone of you very much and hope that you all have a wonderful holiday season. For our holiday season the one true wish I have for Chris is that his brother Mike is able to understand that we all make mistakes and that even though we make mistakes we never stop loving one another. Mike has been a missing link in our family for a few years now. My hope and wish for this year is that Chris, Mike and I are able to put the past in the past and build a relationship the way it should have been from the beginning. I love you big brother even though there has not been much of that going around, I apologize for the things that I have done and said that have hurt you. I am not perfect and I should have apologized a long time ago. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season! Best wishes, Tabitha

Feeling Better

I guess I did not realize how bad and down and out I have been feeling the past couple of months, maybe even years. Being depressed and feeling like there was nothing that I wanted to do or could do to make myself feel better. I started a new all natural product recently that has helped me see that I have not been able to be the fun loving cheerful me in a long time. I used to love to go hang out with my friends and be out doing stuff. Here in the last two to three years I have not wanted to do any of that. It was a stay at home in my pajamas and not deal with the world type of life style for me. Unless I was going to doctors appointments or going to work. I was ok with going on late night drives so that I did not have to deal with people and traffic. I could hide in the comfort of my vehicle cause nobody could see me. Whoa wait a minute what happened to the person i used to be, what happened to the person who was always going out with friends and was never home, always had something on my plate to do. I remember working two jobs and helping a friend raise her kids cause she was struggling at the time and still had time to do what I wanted. In the past couple of years just working one job and going to school has taken a toll on me. I know that I have been sick but I really want at least some part of my life back, where I enjoy going out and being with people and not sitting at home. I have finally started to feel that way again in the last month. I feel like I am starting to find little pieces of me and what makes me happy and what makes me tick. Dont get me wrong I have been happy for the last three years. I love my family and I would not trade them for anything, I have been ok with doing nothing but working and going to school or taking care of my husband and animals and Kelsey. But I felt like I lost a part of me along the way, and am finally starting to get that back. I feel like I can breath again. I finally know what it is I want out of life and am working towards reaching that goal and becoming the person that I want to be. The person God wants me to be. Its an interesting journey and I don't know where I will be or how I will get there, but I know the only thing that I can do is leave the worries and concerns and the things that I cant change up to the Lord and let him guide me where he will. We have had a lot of heartache and disappointments over the last couple of years, and even over the last couple of months. We are having to put the plans and process of buying a house on hold for a little while. This of course is a hard thing to do, it is something that we have dreamed about being able to do since we first got together. But you have to do what you have to do. It will probably be about another year or so before we can make this a reality in our lives. By then who knows where we will be at what will be going on in our lives.It brakes my heart to have to give up on a dream that we have been working toward for years now, at least for the time being. I am looking forward to Wednesday of this next week, we are getting family photos done for the first time since Kelsey became a part of our family. One of the ladies that I go to school with is taking them for us and I cant wait. I hope that everybody is doing well and had a great holiday weekend!