Friendship and family

About 5 years ago I was fortunate enough to be able to meet a teenager who was in need of a friend. I got to be there for this teenager and through this person I was able to meet a very special person Miss Kelsey sue. She has been a part of our family for over two years now and has lived with us for about a year and a half. We have been so blessed to have her as a part of our family. Most people could not understand why we would be so willing to help her out and all I can say is I have a big heart and love her to pieces. I would not change the way that things have happened. Being blessed with her in our lives has also given us the opportunity to get to know her family. During all of this we have been given the opportunity to take in Kelsey's little brother Jake. Of course the first thing that came to mind was you bet we will take him no questions asked. Then the lawyer told us that the DA did not want to take him out of the home that he is in right now because the family he is with wanted to adopt him. That hurt... But at the same time the Lawyer explained that if we wanted to adopt him he could take it to the judge and see if the judge would be willing to change the verdict of it. So I told him that I needed to discuss it with Chris and Kelsey and see what we wanted to do. I spoke with Chris, Kelsey, My dad, Sarah, Cassie and a few other people. Everyone that I talked to told me that they all had faith that I could do it and that no matter what decision I made it would be the right one. I struggled with this decision for a long time. Had sleepless nights and was going crazy trying to figure out what was best for Jake. It was when I was talking to Cassie that she told me I already knew the answer and had it in my heart I just needed to listen to it. So I let go of the emotions and listened to my heart and prayed hard about it. After talking about it again with Kelsey and Chris we all made the decision to move forward with the adoption. I noticed that I had a few voice mails that I had not listened to. After listening to them I learned that the Supervisor for CPA had already started the ball rolling forward with the adoption process for us. So the decision was already made for us before we even knew it :). After a lot of stress and hard times things are moving forward. Now its time for prayers that everything will go the way it needs to in order to have him here with the family.

On top of dealing with our family stuff I realized that a family that was really close to my heart has pushed away and no longer communicates. I have met some amazing people in my life and am glad to call each and everyone of them friends. I have not been the best person to represent friendship over the years. Life has gotten in the way and I have neglected the friends that mean the most to me. I apologize to those of you that I have neglected. I am pretty sure you know who you are. If you don't please feel free to ask and I will tell you :). Getting back to the family that has stopped communicating, it brakes my heart that people pull away because there is miss communication, if you have a problem please talk to me about it. If I said something that you don't like then come talk to me. I don't say the things that I do to hurt people or to upset them. I am who I am and I don't have a problem opening up and explaining why I said what I said or why I am feeling the way that I am feeling, but please don't close me out and push me away. We are adults and should be able to work through the problems. I love all of my friends and am thankful everyday that I have each and every one of you. You make my life exciting, bring drama at times(I love you Sarah :) ) and are always there when I need you. Each and every one of you bring something special to my life and I thank you all for it!!!

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!!!

Jake sitting in my lap at the house in Grand Junction. :)

Teenagers... I just dont get it.

I totally remember what it was like to be a teenager. Was not that long ago that I was one. There are something that I know I should not have done while growing up and decided to do it any ways. I understand having fun and doing things that your parents told you not to do and getting away with it because they never found out :). But my question is when did damaging other peoples property become something fun to do. Im not talking about Toilet papering a house or egging a car, yes those should not be done either lol but most of us have done them at some point in our lives. No I am talking about keying cars, or running knifes down the side of a car and then puncturing tires on vehicles. For no other reason then they were bored. If I would have ever done something like this my dad would have kicked my butt. There are a lot of things that I did and I only remember keying one car and it was out of anger and I look back on it now and it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done.
Now that I am off my soap box.... We had 6 cars get vandalized in our parking lot the other day, my truck and Kelsey's bf's truck being two out of the 6. So frustrating!!! It was 4 teenage boys who were bored and thought it would be funny to mess up the cars. Did they catch them NO!!! But not for lack of trying. I was really impressed with the Conroe Police Department as well as Montgomery County Sheriff Department. Unfortunately my insurance wont cover the damage done to my truck so I will have to pay for it myself. Not a big deal because I was very lucky in that they only sliced one of my tires, the other car that got hit they sliced all four tires, keyed the entire vehicle and smashed the tail lights. So all in all I would have to say Jason (Kelseys Boyfriend) and I got lucky.

Fresh Start

Chris and I had an amazing time last weekend celebrating our five year anniversary. We have been through so much together and it was great having that time to ourselves. We had a great 4th of July with Tracy and her family. All in all it was the best weekend that we have had in a very long time!!! There are tons of pictures posted on my FB page.

Now that my journey with the cancer has slowed down its time to start a new journey. I have started to feel really good this past week, from the inside out. I dont feel sick any more which is a dream come true. I have been sick it seems like non stop for the last two years. To get the news that it is gone and now the doctors want to monitor my body once a month has taken a lot of stress off of me. I know that the battle is not 100 percent won yet and wont be for years to come. But the life or death threat is no longer there.. To any one that is going through the battle of Cancer I recommend looking into the treatments that Canada has been using on its patients and see who in your state is offering it. It is the best thing that I have ever done. Some people thought I was crazy and that it would not work, but that was proven wrong. It saved my life.

As for what happens next I am starting my new journey. I have to lose 100 pounds in order for the doctors to be satisfied that my body can handle anything that comes up in the future. Whether it be getting pregnant (yes the doctors say it is possible as long as I stick closely with the plan and continue to see them)or whether the cancer decides to rear its head again. I have been asked why I did not have the doctors take everything out now that the cancer is gone. Here's my answer: All I have wanted for the last 6 years is for Chris and I to have a baby of our own. I have adopted one and am in the process of adopting a second baby. Both of these kidos are VERY precious to me and I would not trade that for anything!!!!!! I love them both with everything that I am. But the dream and the hurt is still there for me. We are not trying at this time because my body just cant handle it right now. But down the road we are going to look into it if everything goes right.So the first step is losing the weight. I am also embarking on the journey of finding a job and finishing school. I am very excited about getting done with my classes and being able to do what I love to do. Its a slow process but so far I am pulling a 3.5 GPA which is something that I have never done before. Even being sick and dealing with everything school has come first.

I have noticed a change in my attitude as well as my outlook on life. Its amazing how something like this can change a person. I do not want to find myself in the same boat again. Its time to jump out and swim with the dolphins. I am changing alot of my habits, thoughts and traditions. Its time to start living life to the fullest and living it for my family and myself. I have a wonderful family who has supported me through all of this. If it was not for them I would not be where I am today!!!! I love knowing that all I have to do is pick up the phone and there will be someone there to talk to, cry with, laugh with or even just sit there and be silent with. I forgot how important this is. I have fantastic friends who cried with me and were there to listen and support me when I needed it. So I am saying THANK YOU to all of you for everything that you have done and will continue to do in the future!!! I reconnected with family that I have missed dearly in my life through all of this, I am so blessed to have them back!!!

On a sadder note my grandmother is not doing so well. She has been in the hospital for a couple of days now and is having a tough time. I ask that you all keep her and the rest of my family in your prayers. It is tearing my dad, uncles and aunts up terribly right now. I have not heard my dad this upset since my grandfather passed away 15 years ago. Anybody who knows me knows that when my dad is tore up it tears me up.I hate being so far away from him and not being able to be there to comfort him and take care of him. I know that sounds weird, but I have always been and will always be a daddys girl. Nothing in this world will ever change that. We have had our problems but I love him more then words could ever tell. I always thought that I knew how to handle my life and that he did not know what he was talking about. I have realized over the years that I was the one who did not know what I was talking about. My dad has been there in his own way for me through everything. There were times that I did not agree with the way he went about it but he was still there and that is what matters to me. I love you dad! I wish that I could be there with you!


Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes!!! You all are amazing and I love each and every one of you!!!

Anniversary

Hope everyone has a fantastic 4th of July weekend!!! As for me I will be off to the doctors here shortly for another round of treatments and then off to pick my hubby up from the airport.

Chris and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary tomorrow!!! It has been a very long 5 years and it has not been the easiest. But looking back on everything that we have been through, it has made us very strong in our relationship. We have overcome so many issues and learned how to love each other more then I ever thought possible. Starting our 6th year together we are in the process of building our first home together, looking forward to the possibilities of being able to have kids together in the future, continuing to raise Kelsey and watching her to grow into a fantastic Young woman and looking forward to possibly having her little brother as a part of our family as well. We are looking forward to having Bri with us next summer and being able to be apart of her life and watching her go to college and follow her dreams. We have added to the family twice this year with Harley our cat who has a personality like no tomorrow. The saying Hell has no furry like a woman's scorn fits her to the T! But I love her to piece and am glad she is with us. The other addition to our family is Jason Kelsey's boyfriend. He is an amazing young man and treats Kelsey like she is the Queen of his world. He is very respectful when it comes to her and Us as a family. He is very family oriented and we love him to pieces! I could not be happier for Kelsey and Jason as they start building what I think will be a life long journey together. (they were told no marriage until after college!!! and they both agreed!!!)

Its crazy to think that my little brother just became a teenager this month and my dad had his 50th birthday. Wow am I getting old LOL!!! Things are going well for the rest of the family! My cousin just had her second baby girl!!! Congrats Shawntee and Levon!!!! She is beautiful. I find myself wishing that I was closer so I could be around the family more, but at the same time I love it here in Texas and am so glad we are here. The reasoning behind it was not the greatest, but hey we are all happy.

My treatments are going really well. They are thinking that this treatment and next months treatment may be the last ones that I need. I find out today what the verdict is on that. Very exciting!! I have other worries that need to be taken care of so surgery may still be coming but I don't know for sure yet. We will just have to wait and see.

Back to Chris and I celebrating our anniversary. We are headed to Galveston tomorrow to spend the day and night at a beach front hotel. Then saturday we will hang out at the beach and be joined by Kelsey and Jason for an afternoon of fun at the beach and dinner on the boardwalk. Very excited for this weekend!! Chris and I havent had time to ourselves in over a year and it is well needed. I have never been to the beach that I can remember (dad says I went when I was really little) so I am very excited about sharing the first moments with my best friend!! Tons of Photos will follow next week!!!!.

Chris you are my best friend, my lover, my husband, my life partner and most of all you are the half that makes me whole. I love you more then anything in this world and am so thankful that you are apart of my life. Here's to the last five years together and here's to many many more to come!!!!!

I love you baby!!!


HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT 4TH OF JULY! HAVE FUN AND STAY SAFE!!!

Change of heart

I was rereading my last couple of blogs and realized that the way I was feeling was really showing in what I was writing. I have been going through varying degrees of depression and feel like everything has been a pity party and that's not who I am as a person and it kills me to think that there's where I have been the last couple of months. I have come to the conclusion that changes need to be made. I hit a low the other night and was ready to say forget it... I give up.... I cant do this anymore.... And was totally serious about it. That scared the crap out of me. I have not felt that low since I was in high school. So I turned to a friend of mine about it and was trying to talk to them...That did not work out so well. You can only expect your friends to support you when they have the time and when they understand what you are truly going through. That is not meant to be mean or anything like that, I totally understand that we all have busy lives and it is not easy to drop everything that you are doing and take care of your friends when they call. So I am not upset about the fact that the person I tried talking to was not able to help at the time. But as I was sitting on my bed and was crying and trying to figure out what it was I was going to do I made a comment on my fb that got the attention of a lot of people, which was not something that I had wanted or had expected. It was late at night and I figured nobody was really on. I was wrong, way wrong. So here is the point where I say God was truly with me that night and was watching over me. My daughter Kelsey was the first one to send me a text and ask me if I was ok. I love her to death and would do anything in the world for her, She is one of the reasons I fight to stay alive. But when it comes to the way that I am feeling I cant always tell her because I don't want her to worry any more then she does,there is just somethings you don't share with your children.(Sorry Sweetie I love you, but its true.:)) So then a couple of my friends sent me text messages and asked what was going on, I talked to a few of them and got the typical "Im Sorry Sweetie, I hope things get better", I appreciate the gesture, but that night none of this was helping. My cousin sent me a message that was related to God on my page, I do not remember what exactly the post said at this time but it was enough to get me to start talking to her on the message thing on fb. She was exactly what I needed that night. She is going through a heck of a lot more then I am and all I could do was sit there and ball while I was throwing myself a pity party. There were so many things that I was complaining about that was not a life changing thing and it is not something that should have made me feel the way that I was feeling. So after talking to her and reading the bible and praying I realized again for the 100th time in my life that God has a plan for me. No matter what I am going through, He is going to be there guiding me through this and planning my life every step of the way. I forget this at times and forget to look up instead of looking out. So THANK YOU ROBYN for the love and support that you showed me that night and for reminding me that things are not always as bad as we think they are. I am flipping the leaf over and looking at the positive things in my life.

Now on to the medical side of things. The doctors have said that everything is going the way they want it. The cancer is getting smaller and has stopped growing 100 percent as of the last batch of tests that were run. This is GREAT news. This is what the doctor were going for when I started treatments. Now that we are doing two different types of treatment they are hoping that it will be completely gone and we will be able to stop the treatments by the end of August. That is two and a half months away. For me to think that I will be back on the road to being healthy and making myself better physically by the 1st of September is like a dream come true. For the last two years I feel like I have been nothing but sick, or going through surgery or something like that. I cant wait for the day that I can say I have been cancer free for this many days, weeks, months, years, I will post more information on my treatments and what they are and how they work later on. As for now there is talk that I will not have to go through surgery and that Chris and I may be able to have children of our own. Which any one who knows me, knows that is something that I have really wanted for a long time.

Thank you all for keeping track of me and listening to my down days as well as my good days. I love you all and I hope that you all have a FANTASTIC summer!!!!

June

Well here we are half way through June and I was hoping that I would be done with treatments and either going through surgery or trying to figure out what was next on the agenda. Now with the new treatments it will be August before I know for sure what is going to happen.

For the last couple of days I have felt pretty bad. Been dealing with headaches and feeling just plain blah. I have not been sleeping well and just want to feel better and be on a level playing field. It just seems like here lately no matter what we do nothing wants to go right. I am trying to be positive about everything and keep my head up. Its hard to do when you think that something needs to happen right now and thats not how life works. So I am trying to learn how to just let things go and go with the flow. Not the easiest thing to do but i am trying.

Things on the home front are good. Chris was home for his 6 days and ended up working 4 out of 6 so that was a little tough. He is now back in North Dakota and is ready to be here for good and not up there. We are still working on getting things going for the house. We are very excited about it. The dogs are still split up which is killing all of us. My truck still isnt fixed but theres nothing that I can do about that, so there again trying to go with the flow. Kelsey and I are still looking for jobs. Its hard when you dont feel good but you have to do what you have to do to survive.

I cant wait for the day when all of this is behind us and I can get up each morning and not have the stress of how we are going to make it through the week with a roof over our heads and food in the kitchen. Hoping that day comes sooner rather then later.

Things that go wrong

So things finally started to go in the right direction and then they fall apart again. I just want for things to settle down for a little while so that I can get healthy and not have to stress about everything all the time. My doctors bills have been taken care of THANK YOU GOD! for that. Now the transmission in my truck as well as most of the electrical stuff is going out. We don't have the money to pay the bills let alone fix my truck right now. UGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I just want to know when it ends and things settle down. I know that he will bring us through anything that he brings us too but wow how much more does he think I can handle. I mean I think my plate is pretty full.

Sorry I had to vent a little. If I could just get my truck back to working and get this job then everything would be ok. If I dont have my truck then that makes the job out of the question as well as making it very difficult to get to my doctors appointments. Hoping that things work out soon and settle down. I cant do this anymore.

Thank you for listening.

Tabitha