we are down to four days before we leave for Texas. Trying to get everything packed and ready for our travels. The good news is even though it is going to be a long trip, we already have an apartment to move into when we get down there. On top of that Chris is able to go with us and help us get everything moved!!!
The down side to it all is we have the money to get down there but the loan that we applied for to pay our debt and allow us to survive down there with me not being able to work for the next 6 months was declined yesterday. So that is a little stressful. We know that one way or another we will make it through. We always do, but its still stressful. Right now I need as little stress as possible. We are hoping that something will come through in the next couple of weeks in that area. Prayers are very much appreciated during this time.
As for me I am doing ok. Have been sick to my stomach with fevers and headaches here lately but thats just part of the territory with this. Hopeing that it will stay at bay long enough for me to get down there and get started.
Chris and Kelsey are doing great, Kelsey has a new love in her life which I think is helping her focus on positive things and Chris knows that everything will be ok as soon as we get down there and I can see the doctors. He needs the most prayers through all of this I do believe. He has a lot ot carry on his shoulders and anybody who knows him knows that he dosnt like to talk alot about anything. Which can be a bad thing. You have to talk about it and get some of it off your chest other wise it eats you away. So I am sending lots of prayers that he will find someone that he feels he can talk to and starts talking.
I think that about covers everything for today. Nothing new is really going on other then the move and trying to get a loan.
Hope this finds everyone healthy, happy and enjoying life!!
I love you Alll!!!!
Tabitha
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Getting Things Together
We are starting to get ready to move to Texas. Getting things packed and ready to go. We are leaving the 31st from North Dakota to head to Colorado and then we will be leaving the 3rd from Colorado to finish our trip into Texas. Doctors apt on the 11th of April should give me enough time to get things situated in the apartment and be ready for phase one. Hoping that Chris will be able to make that trip with us and help us unpack and get settled in.
On the plus side of things I have felt pretty good the last couple of days. Have been tired but other then that things are good. Just stressed out about the move and all that goes along with it. At least this is the last move for another year or so and then after that it will just be from an apartment into a house. That is something that I get to look forward to. Having a house again with the dogs outside playing and enough room for the family and friends to come visit when they have a chance.
Hoping that this summer my little brother can come out and spend some time with me and Kelsey and Chris if he is able to be there. Looking forward to the ocean and lots of warm sun. It is snowing here and the wind is terrible tonight. Really tired of the cold weather and the wind. It kind of reminds me of the way that things are going with my health right now. Kind of dark and depressing and then when we get to Texas the door opens and it is warm and sunny and my health can get better and start to improve. Really looking forward to it.
A lot of things will be changing for me. I have to lose at least 75 pounds so that they can go in and do the surgery. That was a little unexpected but they are afraid that with the amount of weight I have on my body it will not be able to heal the way that they want it to and that my immune system may shut down. So its onto healthier lifestyle for me. Its a hard thing to do but it can and will be done. Thats all there is to it. So I have two to three months before the surgery and will have to work hard and get it done.
Well thats all I have for tonight. Hope everyone has a great week!
Love you all!
Tabitha
On the plus side of things I have felt pretty good the last couple of days. Have been tired but other then that things are good. Just stressed out about the move and all that goes along with it. At least this is the last move for another year or so and then after that it will just be from an apartment into a house. That is something that I get to look forward to. Having a house again with the dogs outside playing and enough room for the family and friends to come visit when they have a chance.
Hoping that this summer my little brother can come out and spend some time with me and Kelsey and Chris if he is able to be there. Looking forward to the ocean and lots of warm sun. It is snowing here and the wind is terrible tonight. Really tired of the cold weather and the wind. It kind of reminds me of the way that things are going with my health right now. Kind of dark and depressing and then when we get to Texas the door opens and it is warm and sunny and my health can get better and start to improve. Really looking forward to it.
A lot of things will be changing for me. I have to lose at least 75 pounds so that they can go in and do the surgery. That was a little unexpected but they are afraid that with the amount of weight I have on my body it will not be able to heal the way that they want it to and that my immune system may shut down. So its onto healthier lifestyle for me. Its a hard thing to do but it can and will be done. Thats all there is to it. So I have two to three months before the surgery and will have to work hard and get it done.
Well thats all I have for tonight. Hope everyone has a great week!
Love you all!
Tabitha
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Moving Forward
A lot of things have happened in the last three days. Very good things. We have been very blessed and have been able to get things together enough for Kelsey and I to head to texas in a very short time.
Feeling kind of mixed about all of it. Its a great thing that we have been blessed and are able to go down there to get things taken care of. At the same time I am scared and nervous about having to go through all of this. Then there is the heartbreaking part of it, Chris will not be going down with us. I hate to be away from him and have to go through it with out him but there is not a whole lot that I can do right now. He will be there for the weeks that I go through treatment and then he will be there for the surgery but its the times in between that I am worried about. I know that I will be ok it just sucks being away from him. Never truly thought that I would have such a big problem being away from him. I have done this before and he wasnt able to be around so I figured that I would be ok but its really hard right now. Hoping that once things get started we will be ok.
Thank you to all!!!!!
I love you all!!
Feeling kind of mixed about all of it. Its a great thing that we have been blessed and are able to go down there to get things taken care of. At the same time I am scared and nervous about having to go through all of this. Then there is the heartbreaking part of it, Chris will not be going down with us. I hate to be away from him and have to go through it with out him but there is not a whole lot that I can do right now. He will be there for the weeks that I go through treatment and then he will be there for the surgery but its the times in between that I am worried about. I know that I will be ok it just sucks being away from him. Never truly thought that I would have such a big problem being away from him. I have done this before and he wasnt able to be around so I figured that I would be ok but its really hard right now. Hoping that once things get started we will be ok.
Thank you to all!!!!!
I love you all!!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Colorado
Things have gone really well here in Colorado. I got to spend time with my family and see a few friends. Not enough time to see everyone...
Saw the doctor today... was told the same thing that I was told over the phone, the clinic here does not have the stuff that is needed to take care of my issues so I only have to choices left. Now its just to figure out how to get those choices taken care of and which one would be better for me.
Have been dealing with a lot of stuff the last couple of days. Love my parents to death but I truly hate it when they tell me over and over and over again that I HAVE to take care of something and that I DONT have a choice and it needs to be done RIGHT now. There are no quick and easy answers to this. There are no fast fixes and easy ways to deal with this. I have done everything that I can think of to make things come together and I am hitting a brick wall. I dont have anywhere else to turn, I cant ask for help from any one else which leaves me in a position where we just have to wait until we can do it on our owns. That being said it will probably be 6 to 7 months down the road before that can happen. Maybe longer.... Who knows.... But in the mean time I dont need people telling me that its not acceptable and that it needs to be taken care of right now. I understand better then most that this is seriouse and its not something to mess with. I totally understand that and get that and if I could change the way that things were I would, but as of right now I can not change the way things are going. So instead of telling me that I HAVE to do something right now and I DONT have a choice lets think about it and remember that I am only one person and with my Husband we are only two people and there is only so much that we can do.
I try to help people understand why things cant be done right this minute and while talking to a friend of mine last night I was reminded of something that I knew about but I am not sure how many other people know about it, so I figured I would share it with everyone so that maybe this would be a little easier to understand. The reason the doctors cant just jump right in and take everything out and call it good, is because as soon as you give cancer oxygen it grows very rapidly. So if they go in and cut me open and expose all of it to oxygen then I take the chances of it spreading to other organs in my body. UMMM hello can we say no thank you :). I would rather figure out how to get the treatments done and get it killed off or at least stop the spreading first and then have them cut it out with as little chance of it spreading as possible. I hope that this helps at least a little bit. Anybody with questions and concerns please feel free to ask. I will do what I can to answer them and help people understand a little bit better what is going on.
Saw the doctor today... was told the same thing that I was told over the phone, the clinic here does not have the stuff that is needed to take care of my issues so I only have to choices left. Now its just to figure out how to get those choices taken care of and which one would be better for me.
Have been dealing with a lot of stuff the last couple of days. Love my parents to death but I truly hate it when they tell me over and over and over again that I HAVE to take care of something and that I DONT have a choice and it needs to be done RIGHT now. There are no quick and easy answers to this. There are no fast fixes and easy ways to deal with this. I have done everything that I can think of to make things come together and I am hitting a brick wall. I dont have anywhere else to turn, I cant ask for help from any one else which leaves me in a position where we just have to wait until we can do it on our owns. That being said it will probably be 6 to 7 months down the road before that can happen. Maybe longer.... Who knows.... But in the mean time I dont need people telling me that its not acceptable and that it needs to be taken care of right now. I understand better then most that this is seriouse and its not something to mess with. I totally understand that and get that and if I could change the way that things were I would, but as of right now I can not change the way things are going. So instead of telling me that I HAVE to do something right now and I DONT have a choice lets think about it and remember that I am only one person and with my Husband we are only two people and there is only so much that we can do.
I try to help people understand why things cant be done right this minute and while talking to a friend of mine last night I was reminded of something that I knew about but I am not sure how many other people know about it, so I figured I would share it with everyone so that maybe this would be a little easier to understand. The reason the doctors cant just jump right in and take everything out and call it good, is because as soon as you give cancer oxygen it grows very rapidly. So if they go in and cut me open and expose all of it to oxygen then I take the chances of it spreading to other organs in my body. UMMM hello can we say no thank you :). I would rather figure out how to get the treatments done and get it killed off or at least stop the spreading first and then have them cut it out with as little chance of it spreading as possible. I hope that this helps at least a little bit. Anybody with questions and concerns please feel free to ask. I will do what I can to answer them and help people understand a little bit better what is going on.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thoughts
OK so I have been doing a lot of thinking..... not much else to do at this time. I have been on a complete rollar coaster of emotions for the last week... First I am ok with everything because I know that at least there is something that they can do to make it better, then I hit this area where I am pissed and sick and tired of dealing with it, and then I am heart broken because we want kids of our own.....
Since I have been down and out I decided to check in on my friends and see what was going on with my friends. I was watching a blog that my friend posted and I have been keeping track of them as she has been posting them. But she said something that has totally stuck with me since I heard it. She made the comment that she loves her kids and that she dosnt care how they get here just as long as they are here. I know that it was said for a completley different reason then what I am going through but that one comment made me realize that no matter if we could have kids of our own it dosnt matter as long as we have kidos. I have to agree with that person that it dosnt matter how the kidos come as long as we have them to take care of and share our love with. You would think that with us having Kelsey and Atheena before her and a few other kidos that I have taken care of that I would have agreed with it long before now. I never truly thought about it in that way because there was always the thought that we would have a kido of our own. Now it makes complete sense. So thank you to that person for that one comment.
I love all my friends and family and am extremly happy that I have each and everyone of you there through all of this. You guys are all truly amazing and are my rock when I feel like I am falling.
Love you all
Tabitha
Since I have been down and out I decided to check in on my friends and see what was going on with my friends. I was watching a blog that my friend posted and I have been keeping track of them as she has been posting them. But she said something that has totally stuck with me since I heard it. She made the comment that she loves her kids and that she dosnt care how they get here just as long as they are here. I know that it was said for a completley different reason then what I am going through but that one comment made me realize that no matter if we could have kids of our own it dosnt matter as long as we have kidos. I have to agree with that person that it dosnt matter how the kidos come as long as we have them to take care of and share our love with. You would think that with us having Kelsey and Atheena before her and a few other kidos that I have taken care of that I would have agreed with it long before now. I never truly thought about it in that way because there was always the thought that we would have a kido of our own. Now it makes complete sense. So thank you to that person for that one comment.
I love all my friends and family and am extremly happy that I have each and everyone of you there through all of this. You guys are all truly amazing and are my rock when I feel like I am falling.
Love you all
Tabitha
Day Three
so the doctors up here refuse to do the treatment due to the experimental treatment that I went through in Denver. They dont want to counteract what has already been done. So we are back to square one. Have to come up with the money to head to Texas. Thats the only place that I am covered under. So back to scratching my head trying to come up with ideas for to get the money together.
Not sure how to feel about this all now. I am heading to Denver to see the family this weekend as long as the DMV will allow me to get tags put on my truck. So keeping my fingers crossed that they will.
Not much to say today. Kind of confused and not sure what to do. Not sure how to feel and not sure what I can do to make things better. Or how to make things work to get to where I need to be. Trying to trust that everything will happen the way that it needs to but letting go and just trusting is the hardest thing that I need to do right now......
Love you all
Tabitha
Not sure how to feel about this all now. I am heading to Denver to see the family this weekend as long as the DMV will allow me to get tags put on my truck. So keeping my fingers crossed that they will.
Not much to say today. Kind of confused and not sure what to do. Not sure how to feel and not sure what I can do to make things better. Or how to make things work to get to where I need to be. Trying to trust that everything will happen the way that it needs to but letting go and just trusting is the hardest thing that I need to do right now......
Love you all
Tabitha
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Day Two
Its day two and here we are. I have talked to the doctors and the decision has been made that I stay in North Dakota for a few weeks and go through treatment here. Then its off to Texas for the surgery and who knows what else. Not looking forward to going through it but we will make it.
Looking at going home for the weekend possibly a whole week depending on money and stuff like that. All I have to do is get the tags on my truck and get new tires on it, and then Kelsey and I can be off and running. Just hoping that my check is enough to take care of it.
Thoughts on what is going on..... still not really sure how to feel or what to do with it all. Just taking it one day at a time and pull through it. I want to see my family and friends and relax and chill out for a couple of days.
I love everybody lots!
Looking at going home for the weekend possibly a whole week depending on money and stuff like that. All I have to do is get the tags on my truck and get new tires on it, and then Kelsey and I can be off and running. Just hoping that my check is enough to take care of it.
Thoughts on what is going on..... still not really sure how to feel or what to do with it all. Just taking it one day at a time and pull through it. I want to see my family and friends and relax and chill out for a couple of days.
I love everybody lots!
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