Anniversary

Hope everyone has a fantastic 4th of July weekend!!! As for me I will be off to the doctors here shortly for another round of treatments and then off to pick my hubby up from the airport.

Chris and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary tomorrow!!! It has been a very long 5 years and it has not been the easiest. But looking back on everything that we have been through, it has made us very strong in our relationship. We have overcome so many issues and learned how to love each other more then I ever thought possible. Starting our 6th year together we are in the process of building our first home together, looking forward to the possibilities of being able to have kids together in the future, continuing to raise Kelsey and watching her to grow into a fantastic Young woman and looking forward to possibly having her little brother as a part of our family as well. We are looking forward to having Bri with us next summer and being able to be apart of her life and watching her go to college and follow her dreams. We have added to the family twice this year with Harley our cat who has a personality like no tomorrow. The saying Hell has no furry like a woman's scorn fits her to the T! But I love her to piece and am glad she is with us. The other addition to our family is Jason Kelsey's boyfriend. He is an amazing young man and treats Kelsey like she is the Queen of his world. He is very respectful when it comes to her and Us as a family. He is very family oriented and we love him to pieces! I could not be happier for Kelsey and Jason as they start building what I think will be a life long journey together. (they were told no marriage until after college!!! and they both agreed!!!)

Its crazy to think that my little brother just became a teenager this month and my dad had his 50th birthday. Wow am I getting old LOL!!! Things are going well for the rest of the family! My cousin just had her second baby girl!!! Congrats Shawntee and Levon!!!! She is beautiful. I find myself wishing that I was closer so I could be around the family more, but at the same time I love it here in Texas and am so glad we are here. The reasoning behind it was not the greatest, but hey we are all happy.

My treatments are going really well. They are thinking that this treatment and next months treatment may be the last ones that I need. I find out today what the verdict is on that. Very exciting!! I have other worries that need to be taken care of so surgery may still be coming but I don't know for sure yet. We will just have to wait and see.

Back to Chris and I celebrating our anniversary. We are headed to Galveston tomorrow to spend the day and night at a beach front hotel. Then saturday we will hang out at the beach and be joined by Kelsey and Jason for an afternoon of fun at the beach and dinner on the boardwalk. Very excited for this weekend!! Chris and I havent had time to ourselves in over a year and it is well needed. I have never been to the beach that I can remember (dad says I went when I was really little) so I am very excited about sharing the first moments with my best friend!! Tons of Photos will follow next week!!!!.

Chris you are my best friend, my lover, my husband, my life partner and most of all you are the half that makes me whole. I love you more then anything in this world and am so thankful that you are apart of my life. Here's to the last five years together and here's to many many more to come!!!!!

I love you baby!!!


HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT 4TH OF JULY! HAVE FUN AND STAY SAFE!!!

Change of heart

I was rereading my last couple of blogs and realized that the way I was feeling was really showing in what I was writing. I have been going through varying degrees of depression and feel like everything has been a pity party and that's not who I am as a person and it kills me to think that there's where I have been the last couple of months. I have come to the conclusion that changes need to be made. I hit a low the other night and was ready to say forget it... I give up.... I cant do this anymore.... And was totally serious about it. That scared the crap out of me. I have not felt that low since I was in high school. So I turned to a friend of mine about it and was trying to talk to them...That did not work out so well. You can only expect your friends to support you when they have the time and when they understand what you are truly going through. That is not meant to be mean or anything like that, I totally understand that we all have busy lives and it is not easy to drop everything that you are doing and take care of your friends when they call. So I am not upset about the fact that the person I tried talking to was not able to help at the time. But as I was sitting on my bed and was crying and trying to figure out what it was I was going to do I made a comment on my fb that got the attention of a lot of people, which was not something that I had wanted or had expected. It was late at night and I figured nobody was really on. I was wrong, way wrong. So here is the point where I say God was truly with me that night and was watching over me. My daughter Kelsey was the first one to send me a text and ask me if I was ok. I love her to death and would do anything in the world for her, She is one of the reasons I fight to stay alive. But when it comes to the way that I am feeling I cant always tell her because I don't want her to worry any more then she does,there is just somethings you don't share with your children.(Sorry Sweetie I love you, but its true.:)) So then a couple of my friends sent me text messages and asked what was going on, I talked to a few of them and got the typical "Im Sorry Sweetie, I hope things get better", I appreciate the gesture, but that night none of this was helping. My cousin sent me a message that was related to God on my page, I do not remember what exactly the post said at this time but it was enough to get me to start talking to her on the message thing on fb. She was exactly what I needed that night. She is going through a heck of a lot more then I am and all I could do was sit there and ball while I was throwing myself a pity party. There were so many things that I was complaining about that was not a life changing thing and it is not something that should have made me feel the way that I was feeling. So after talking to her and reading the bible and praying I realized again for the 100th time in my life that God has a plan for me. No matter what I am going through, He is going to be there guiding me through this and planning my life every step of the way. I forget this at times and forget to look up instead of looking out. So THANK YOU ROBYN for the love and support that you showed me that night and for reminding me that things are not always as bad as we think they are. I am flipping the leaf over and looking at the positive things in my life.

Now on to the medical side of things. The doctors have said that everything is going the way they want it. The cancer is getting smaller and has stopped growing 100 percent as of the last batch of tests that were run. This is GREAT news. This is what the doctor were going for when I started treatments. Now that we are doing two different types of treatment they are hoping that it will be completely gone and we will be able to stop the treatments by the end of August. That is two and a half months away. For me to think that I will be back on the road to being healthy and making myself better physically by the 1st of September is like a dream come true. For the last two years I feel like I have been nothing but sick, or going through surgery or something like that. I cant wait for the day that I can say I have been cancer free for this many days, weeks, months, years, I will post more information on my treatments and what they are and how they work later on. As for now there is talk that I will not have to go through surgery and that Chris and I may be able to have children of our own. Which any one who knows me, knows that is something that I have really wanted for a long time.

Thank you all for keeping track of me and listening to my down days as well as my good days. I love you all and I hope that you all have a FANTASTIC summer!!!!

June

Well here we are half way through June and I was hoping that I would be done with treatments and either going through surgery or trying to figure out what was next on the agenda. Now with the new treatments it will be August before I know for sure what is going to happen.

For the last couple of days I have felt pretty bad. Been dealing with headaches and feeling just plain blah. I have not been sleeping well and just want to feel better and be on a level playing field. It just seems like here lately no matter what we do nothing wants to go right. I am trying to be positive about everything and keep my head up. Its hard to do when you think that something needs to happen right now and thats not how life works. So I am trying to learn how to just let things go and go with the flow. Not the easiest thing to do but i am trying.

Things on the home front are good. Chris was home for his 6 days and ended up working 4 out of 6 so that was a little tough. He is now back in North Dakota and is ready to be here for good and not up there. We are still working on getting things going for the house. We are very excited about it. The dogs are still split up which is killing all of us. My truck still isnt fixed but theres nothing that I can do about that, so there again trying to go with the flow. Kelsey and I are still looking for jobs. Its hard when you dont feel good but you have to do what you have to do to survive.

I cant wait for the day when all of this is behind us and I can get up each morning and not have the stress of how we are going to make it through the week with a roof over our heads and food in the kitchen. Hoping that day comes sooner rather then later.

Things that go wrong

So things finally started to go in the right direction and then they fall apart again. I just want for things to settle down for a little while so that I can get healthy and not have to stress about everything all the time. My doctors bills have been taken care of THANK YOU GOD! for that. Now the transmission in my truck as well as most of the electrical stuff is going out. We don't have the money to pay the bills let alone fix my truck right now. UGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I just want to know when it ends and things settle down. I know that he will bring us through anything that he brings us too but wow how much more does he think I can handle. I mean I think my plate is pretty full.

Sorry I had to vent a little. If I could just get my truck back to working and get this job then everything would be ok. If I dont have my truck then that makes the job out of the question as well as making it very difficult to get to my doctors appointments. Hoping that things work out soon and settle down. I cant do this anymore.

Thank you for listening.

Tabitha