Christmas

Merry Christmas! We hope that everyone is doing well. The days are getting shorter and Christmas is almost here. I hope that everyone is enjoying this wonderful holiday season and is remembering that its about family and friends and not whats under the tree. Chris and I are geared up and ready to go. we are excited to be heading to Colorado to see some of our family. Plans are already being made and our time is short. I hope to see everyone that I can and to those that we cant see please know that we love you and will find time next summer to come out and see you all. I am not looking forward to the drive up there though. We are expecting snow from Raton New Mexico through Colorado Springs. I am glad to be away from that down here and do not look forward to dealing with it again :). We had to say goodbye to Eric and Dee Dee Moyes this week as they are traveling back to Utah to start their lives down there. Eric graduated from school up here and has already been offered a job in Utah so CONGRATS ERIC!!! We are so very proud of you. You guys are amazing people and I feel so blessed to have had you all apart of our lives even for the short time it was. You all will be missed dearly in this household. Chris and I are excited about the new year and whats planned for us. Its nice to have our time and be alone again. Its been to long sense we have spent one on one time together and have an empty house just to the two of us. We are enjoying every minute of it. We have not decided if we are going to try for children of our own after my surgery next year or not. We will just have to wait and see. when we are able to buy a house of our own we have talked about adopting a little one. We will see what happens when the time comes. We wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS where ever you are and hope that each one of you is blessed with happiness, love and lots of smiles in this next year to come. Love Tabitha

Christmas 2011

Since there have been a lot of changes in our lives here recently, Chris and I decided that this year we are going to Colorado and are going to spend Christmas with my family. In the six years that we have been married Chris and I have not spent Christmas with my family at all. So this is a new thing for us and we are both very excited about it. It is going to be a great Holiday season for our family this year! Things have truly turned around for the better for us this year. We had some down times and had some issues to work through but as we are getting closer to the end of the year, things are truly looking up for us. We had hopes of buying a house this year and having a permanent place to call home, all I can say is thank God for unanswered prayers. I look at it now and realize that the house and the area that we were looking at would not have been a good fit for our family and the dreams that we have. So onto next year, we are planning on renting for another year and continuing to get things paid off. After that we will look into the possibilities of owning our first home. I do not want to rush into something like that, I want to make sure that Chris and I are able to get what we want and something that will last us for a long time to come. We are looking forward to what next year is going to bring. Being here in Texas I have made some awesome friends and am so glad to have them in my life. Its amazing how you grow and learn and realize that things that used to be important are no longer as important and things that you really thought were important or that were easily taken for granted are actually REALLY important and should not be taken for granted. I thank God everyday for giving me the people in my life to help me grow, change, love, and learn. Each one of you is so important to me! Hope everyone has a great Holiday season! Love and warm wishes, Tabitha

2011

I have seen and heard so many things happen this year. People losing loved ones, pets that meant the world to them, losing jobs, some gaining new jobs,finding love in random places,jobs failing into place, family being brought back together after months of being apart. Best friends becoming nothing more then a hello here or there,people finding out that something they wished for and dreamed for is never going to come true, losing a career you thought that you would always be with. Having loved ones be gone for work all the time, having new miracles born. Tears have been shed this year, good ones, bad ones, confused ones, hurt ones and Happy joyful ones. I don't understand why a lot of these things happened and I know that I never will. God has a reason for them and we just have to let him do his thing. With the Holidays coming on I know where I stand. I know what is going to happen to me in the end. I am no longer afraid of what tomorrow brings, whether it be good, bad, scary, or just normal everyday life. I know that I am going to get through it and that everything will be ok in the end. Having this peace in my heart reminds me that not everybody feels the same way I do. So as I sit here and think about everyone in my life and the way each one of you have helped me learn, grow and become the person that I am, as well as the person I will continue to grow into I find myself saying a prayer for each of the individuals and families that have had good times and bad this year. I am sure many agree with me when I say I cant wait for this year to be over and for next year to be here. A fresh start, a new beginning,and new goals to work towards. That's what so many people look forward to when Jan 1st comes along each year. I dread the day... it puts me one step closer to 30.. Ugh lol j/k. I am not scared about getting old,I am blessed to have the best husband in the world to stand by my side no matter what is going on. The love that the two of us shares is something that I have never felt so strongly in my life. Even though he spends most his time at away from home we cherish every moment together. It hasn't always been like this, but god has worked on our hearts and in our minds and showed us what needed to be done in order for us to make things right and to flow the way that he wants them to. Even when I am stressed out and think that there is no where to go and there is no way out of it, Chris stands by me and helps me figure out what needs to be done next. As we continue into this Holiday season I wish the Brown Family some happiness, I pray that you will find peace in this season and a light at the end of the tunnel. For the Levy family I wish you many more years of love, You two are amazing parents and a great couple! I pray that Doug will be able to spend more time at home and that you will be blessed with all the children you want. For Miss. Sarah Flint I hope that you find happiness again, I pray that you learn to love yourself for who you are and learn to live again. Miss. Katie Diss I love you girl, my wish for you this holiday season is to find true happiness, to figure out what it is that you want out of your life and to be truly happy from the bottom of your heart to that beautiful smile on your face, you deserve it girl! For the Kolkman clan my wish for you this holiday is to get through school and have all your dreams come true, I have faith in both of you to get through your schooling and becoming the amazing people you are growing up to be :). For the Williams family, You guys are wonderful people and I am so blessed to have you in my life, My wish for you this year is that Justin will be home for Christmas to spend JD's first Christmas with him and your beautiful older son Cole. For the Thomas family, my wish for you all is that you guys get settled into Texas and that Nick gets to be with his family more.The Moyes family, my wish for you all is that you have a safe trip home to Utah and that you are able to find a house quickly, You guys are a wonderful, amazing family and we are going to miss you so much when you are gone! For the Furlong family my wish for you both is that you continue to find happiness in your lives, you are a great couple and have taught us so much. The Jones family I wish you happiness and lots of love through out the Holidays. I love each and everyone of you very much and hope that you all have a wonderful holiday season. For our holiday season the one true wish I have for Chris is that his brother Mike is able to understand that we all make mistakes and that even though we make mistakes we never stop loving one another. Mike has been a missing link in our family for a few years now. My hope and wish for this year is that Chris, Mike and I are able to put the past in the past and build a relationship the way it should have been from the beginning. I love you big brother even though there has not been much of that going around, I apologize for the things that I have done and said that have hurt you. I am not perfect and I should have apologized a long time ago. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season! Best wishes, Tabitha

Feeling Better

I guess I did not realize how bad and down and out I have been feeling the past couple of months, maybe even years. Being depressed and feeling like there was nothing that I wanted to do or could do to make myself feel better. I started a new all natural product recently that has helped me see that I have not been able to be the fun loving cheerful me in a long time. I used to love to go hang out with my friends and be out doing stuff. Here in the last two to three years I have not wanted to do any of that. It was a stay at home in my pajamas and not deal with the world type of life style for me. Unless I was going to doctors appointments or going to work. I was ok with going on late night drives so that I did not have to deal with people and traffic. I could hide in the comfort of my vehicle cause nobody could see me. Whoa wait a minute what happened to the person i used to be, what happened to the person who was always going out with friends and was never home, always had something on my plate to do. I remember working two jobs and helping a friend raise her kids cause she was struggling at the time and still had time to do what I wanted. In the past couple of years just working one job and going to school has taken a toll on me. I know that I have been sick but I really want at least some part of my life back, where I enjoy going out and being with people and not sitting at home. I have finally started to feel that way again in the last month. I feel like I am starting to find little pieces of me and what makes me happy and what makes me tick. Dont get me wrong I have been happy for the last three years. I love my family and I would not trade them for anything, I have been ok with doing nothing but working and going to school or taking care of my husband and animals and Kelsey. But I felt like I lost a part of me along the way, and am finally starting to get that back. I feel like I can breath again. I finally know what it is I want out of life and am working towards reaching that goal and becoming the person that I want to be. The person God wants me to be. Its an interesting journey and I don't know where I will be or how I will get there, but I know the only thing that I can do is leave the worries and concerns and the things that I cant change up to the Lord and let him guide me where he will. We have had a lot of heartache and disappointments over the last couple of years, and even over the last couple of months. We are having to put the plans and process of buying a house on hold for a little while. This of course is a hard thing to do, it is something that we have dreamed about being able to do since we first got together. But you have to do what you have to do. It will probably be about another year or so before we can make this a reality in our lives. By then who knows where we will be at what will be going on in our lives.It brakes my heart to have to give up on a dream that we have been working toward for years now, at least for the time being. I am looking forward to Wednesday of this next week, we are getting family photos done for the first time since Kelsey became a part of our family. One of the ladies that I go to school with is taking them for us and I cant wait. I hope that everybody is doing well and had a great holiday weekend!

I have had major learning experiences. This one is the hardest for me. To have to sit back and watched loved ones make decisions that will probably hurt them or make them unhappy in the end and not say anything. Anybody who knows me knows that I have a hard time keep my mouth shut. But this time I know I can't speak my mind. What I think and the hurt that it has caused me is nobodies issue but mine and if I voice it or say something about it its just going to cause more problems. I don't want to cause problems. Its tearing me up inside and im ready to scream and yell and pull my hair out. But we are all adults and that's not very adult like. I guess I will just keep it bottled up and not say anything.

The past

I have so many friends that I have reconnected with from my past. I love the fact that you can reconnect and be friends and be there for each other like we did when we were younger. The one thing that I have come to learn is that even when you think that people are who they say they are it isnt always true, I tried to help out someone who was very close to me and who I considered family, did everything that I could to help that person out of a bad situation. After doing everything that I could and helping that person get into a better place in their life it was all thrown back in my face today. I am trying to be happy and trying not to get to pissed about it, but it is hard when you feel betrayed and used. I know that its whatever makes the person happy is the best thing for them. But how am I suppose to do that when I feel like everything I did was a waste of time. The money I spent the time together, everything that I did to make them feel better and all I get is a flipping email to say it was all a waste of time.... Are you kidding me.... At least have the respect for me to pick up the phone and talk to me and let me know whats going on. Sending an email is the worst thing that could have been done. I am not some trash that you can throw away on the side of the road and not think about again. I cant do it any more. I cant be the one who stands there and helps through the problems just to be put aside, I am not the person that is ok with being used. I will do anything to help a friend out, if you are a part of my family there is nothing that I wont do. Open my house, help out financially when I can whatever takes. All I ask in return is that you help yourself out and make good decisions for yourself and your kids. Those decisions are not mine to make. Each individual has to make their own decisions for what is best for themselves and there family. So I am off my soap box and over the whole thing. Im done and I wont do it any more.

Hard tines

Dealing with all of the mixed emotions and doubts that nave come up lately has not been easy. Chris being gone all the time is driving me crazy. I hate being at home and not having him around. Hopefully the company will figure out a way to get him home more.
Dealing with the financial issues that we have is driving me crazy. I feel like we take 10 steps forward and a 100 steps backwards every couple of months. Im tired of it. We are making great strides in getting things paid off but I am so tired of not knowing month to month if we are going to have a roof over our heads or food on the table or electricity or whatever else. Im just done with it. I can't take it anymore. I just want to be ok and for the stress to go away for a while. Just to be able to breath for once would be nice. Hopefully one day I will be able to do that....

Wow just Wow

I am not the type of person to judge someone else and how they deal with their family. Everyone has their own way of doing it and their opinions on how it should be done. I listen, I help when I am asked but most the time I have learned after many many years to keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. But when someone butts into my life and the way that I am dealing with my family it really pisses me off. Especially when people have no idea whats been going on for the last 6 years and have no idea how much I have changed from the ways that I used to be. Yes I screwed up, yes I lied and cheated and hurt a lot of people while I was growing up. But really who hasnt at some point in their life. I am NOT perfect and I never said I was, I do not know everything and never said I did. I have made my own bed and have had to lay in it many times. Does this mean that I am a bad person, in my eyes no, it means that I am a human and am bound to make mistakes. As long as I move forward and learn from my mistakes then I think that is all that anybody could ask of me. So to those that I have wronged in my life and I know who you are and I am sure that you know you who I are, I want to apologize for the lies that were told, the hurtful things that were said, the backstabbing that went on, the rumors that were told and anything else that I may have done to hurt you. It took me a while to grow up and realize that what I was doing was wrong. Right should have known from the beginning that it was wrong, but at the time it was all about me and what I needed to do for me. I am sorry that I was selfish and self serving and I hope that you all can see that I am not the same person any more. I have moved on with my life, have gone through some very scary life threatening things that have made me realize that there is no room in my life for these types of actions. If I want to be loved and be able to love others it starts with me changing my actions. I believe that I have been doing that over the years. I am still a work in progress, but those that are standing with me and are walking this path with me will realize that I will always be a work in progress,but at least its progress. I cant change the fact that I made mistakes in my past but only I can fix the hurt that I caused and only I can make myself a better person. I am doing everything that I can to be the wife I want to be for my husband. Trying to take care of his needs as well as keep the house going and the bills paid. This is not always an easy task with him being gone all the time, but I am making it happen. I am trying to be the best "mother" that I can be to Kelsey. I know she is an adult but there are times that she still needs me to be the "mom" she did not have growing up. I am trying to be the best friend that I can be, yes there are times that I don't answer my phone or it takes a couple of days for me to get on fb and comment on something that is going on, I know I don't keep in contact with my friends the way that I should. I have a busy life and I know that my friends do as well. All I can say is I am trying to do what I can and be there for everyone who needs me. I am only one person and can only do so much. I am trying to be the best big sister that my little brother could ask for, I wish that I could spend more time with him. He is a wonderful, amazing young man and I love him to pieces! ( I would never say that to his face cause at 13 that would totally embarrass him :) LMAO) I am trying to be the best daughter I can be, not only for my dad by doing what I can to help him out, but also to my mom. I know a lot of people would tell me that she doesn't deserve it after everything that she has done to me, for those people I say God tells us to forgive those who have wronged us, That I have done, I will never forget what she has done to me, but I have forgiven her. I am trying to do everything that I can for my in-laws. I know I know that's not a word that the family likes to use. I can only do so much and I feel at times that it gets thrown back in my face. That's why I have stopped doing a lot of what I used to do. I don't know what else to do or what else to say that will help any more. I love my family even with the troubles that it has and would do whatever I could to help most of them. I love my friends and would do anything I could to help them out as well. For those of you that have stood by me and watched me grow and learn my lessons and those of you that continue to stand by me THANK YOU. There's nothing else I can really say.

Amazing stuff

I did something that I never thought I would do. After years of dealing with the anger and hatred that I held for my biological mother and after all the lies I dealt with from her, I finally forgave her. I have many reasons for my decision and the main one is my niece. I want to be able to have a relationship with her. There have been so many lies and so many changes within this side of my family over the last couple of years that I was not sure that I really wanted to deal with it. But after lots of prayers and lots of thoughts I decided it was time. I sat down and wrote her two letters explaining where I was coming from and what was going in my life, and what I wanted from her and expected of her. She called me yesterday and we talked for over an hour. It was a great conversation, yes I have to keep in mind that she does lie about stuff and take a lot of what she says with a grain of salt. But as long as I do that things will be ok. It was great to talk to my niece and make sure that she is doing ok. Knowing that we are close to them and I can go see my niece and spend time with her is a great feeling. I am still kind of mixed on the relationship with my mom. I am not sure how close I want to get and how far I want to take that relationship. I guess we will just have to wait and see how it goes over time. As far as things down here in this beautiful state of Texas things are good. We are close to one of the fires, but so far it has not put us in danger. We are keeping track of it as much as possible and making sure we are ready to go if it does get to close.

Harley went into the vet on Tuesday and got her shots and spayed. She was mad at me all day Wednesday and would not come near me until Thursday. She was sleepy and moody but as of yesterday she is back to her normal self being a pain in the but lol. We love her anyways :).

Confederate is now here in Texas with us full time. He seems to be happy he is here and is doing great. He has slimmed down since the last time that he was here and is in great health. We are glad to have him with us and to be able to have our whole family together again for the most part.

Sasha turns 13 this month. She is doing well, her hips give her problems some times but she still plays with Confederate and gets excited when we come home. She is shedding like no tomorrow but that's ok. We will get through it.

Kelsey sue is doing great! She is finishing up some school stuff and is getting excited for college. She has recently been in contact with an aunt and uncle that she has not talked to in a very long time. She is very excited about it and is looking forward to what life is going to bring her. She is not longer dating Jason, but is happy being single and is enjoying life. Her 19th birthday is right around the corner and she is very excited for it. We have not decided what we are going to do for it, but it will be remember able like always. We love her very much and are so proud of her and the things that she is accomplishing in her life. She is working part time and loves her job.

Chris is doing well. He has been working here in Texas for the last two weeks, Unfortunately he was not working close to home so he was not able to be at home, but from the sounds of it he will be here more then he will be in North Dakota. He will still have to go back and forth but hopefully he will be down here more. Things are changing around the company again so it will be interesting to see what comes of it all further down the road. I am doing well. Health seems to be doing well, minus the migraine headaches and my left knee going crazy. See the doctor on Monday for that. We have met some amazing people down here and I am so happy to be able to call them friends. They have really helped out in a pinch and are wonderful people. Sadly some of our great friends are going to be leaving to go back home to Utah in Jan, We will miss the Moyes family very much but at least we can stay in contact with them :). Brittany and Tiffany have been great friends and a load of help for us down here. They are both very loving people and I am so thankful they are in my life as well as kelseys. I hope that this finds everybody doing well! Love you all.

General thoughts

So I remember what high school was like.  Not a good four years for me. What I don't remember is bragging to my best friends/ sisters about who I slept with. Especially if my best friends were related to that person in some way. I don't remember my adopted brothers bragging to me about with one of my friends they slept with. Back then alot of people were having sex and I know today its alot worse but really let's not kiss and tell. Its nobody else's business who you are sleeping with. When or how you are doing it. If you are going to be stupid about it you better hope that the female involved doesn't get pregnant. That would really be bad. So all I can say is grow up, have some respect for the person you are dating, your sister of all people,  and keep this crap private.
  On another soap box here... I remember there being an unwritten code that all of us girls had.  You don't date your friends exboyfriends and you sure as he'll don't date there brothers or sisters. What happened to that respect for your friends. Does friendship not mean as much these days? I know that every now and then this code would get broken and relationships would come up with an ex or even a sibling and 9 times out of 10 the "friends" involved would end up losing the relationship that they had because it. Is it really worth losing the closeness of your best friend over. Are you willing to throw that friendship away because you need and want to get laid and fell like you are "loved"? If it is I feel really sad for that person. I mean really if you feel that low then there is something else going on that you need to look at and fix before you can truly love any body. If you don't love yourself you can not truly love anybody else.
  Ok im off my soap box's. Thank you to all my girlfriends for being apart of my life. The few of you that have stood by me through everything are a true blessing from God. The new ones that have come along are also a blessing from God. I love ya ladies and thank you for your friendship!

Heart Brake and healing

Have spent many years looking back on my life thinking what if.... being able to have one of things in my past come up and having to relive everything and having all those feelings and emotions to go through again.... I thought it would be hard but after tears shed and hearts broken I feel so much better. Being able to let it go and close that chapter in my life has helped. When one door closes another one opens up. Leaves room for new beginnings and relationships to be built on a strong lasting foundation. Learned a lot about myself and how I react to situations. Where my feelings really lay and how immature and naive I have been in the past. Time to make more changes and continue to clear my life out of the unwanted pain and drama. Those of you that continue to stand by me through the ups and downs of my life I love you all and thank you for your support.

Time

I love being able to sit down and spend time with my fantastic daughter. She is such an amazing person and reminds me everyday how special she is and what a blessing god has given me to have her in my life. She brings a smile to my face and warms my heart. I love her so much and am so thankful for her! I love you Kelsey!

Trying something new

I have decided to try new things in my life. Where they will take me one never knows. I am just going to hold on for the ride and hope that there are good things at the end of it. I have started working on one of the things that I figured I would try out, with the help of Kelsey it is going well. A lot harder then I ever imagined it to be, but it is going to be a lot of fun.
One of the main things that I am going to work on is being positive about the things in my life. Getting rid of the drama, lies and bs that I have allowed in my life for far to long. I have also decided to try and talk to my mom. Not something I have done in a really long time. I know that a lot of people do not think that this is a good idea because of the way that she has treated me in the past as well as the way she runs her life. This is my decision and its something that I feel I need to do. I will keep y'all posted on how it turns out. It may be a waste of my time, but at least I can say I have tried and its on less burden on my shoulders. Finally being able to forgive her for everything that she has done to me has been an amazing feeling. Now we will see where that forgiveness takes me.

Any new journey in life starts with that first step forward :)

Kelsey

I wake up everyday and worry about my daughter, my husband and everything else that is going on in our life's. I believe that every mom does. You always worry about if your kids are going to make the wrong decision or if they are going to get hurt or if you made the right choices in your life to show them the right path. I do this everyday. Not sure how things are going to turn out. I am not perfect and do not pretend to be. Today I realized that no matter what type of mistakes I make in my life kelsey has been taught well enough and been shown love and the healthy way to live life. There are certain people in her life that try to bring her down and that try to make her feel like everything is her fault. I know this is not true and I hope one day she will be able to see it too. Her aunt is an amazing person who is also there for her and has helped teach her the right and wrongs of life. As well as help her through her struggles. Each person can only do so much and kelsey is loved by so many that she always has people there when she needs them. I am so blessed to have her in our lives and to be a special part of all of this. She is such an amazing young lady and I can't wait to see where the journey of life takes her. I love her with everything that I am and I hope one day she will see herself what an amazing, beautiful,intelligent, special loving person she is. She doesn't see it right now because the pain and suffering is blocking it, but one day soon the clouds will lift and she will see what we all see everyday!


I love you kelsey sue aka squirrel bait :)

Friendship and family

About 5 years ago I was fortunate enough to be able to meet a teenager who was in need of a friend. I got to be there for this teenager and through this person I was able to meet a very special person Miss Kelsey sue. She has been a part of our family for over two years now and has lived with us for about a year and a half. We have been so blessed to have her as a part of our family. Most people could not understand why we would be so willing to help her out and all I can say is I have a big heart and love her to pieces. I would not change the way that things have happened. Being blessed with her in our lives has also given us the opportunity to get to know her family. During all of this we have been given the opportunity to take in Kelsey's little brother Jake. Of course the first thing that came to mind was you bet we will take him no questions asked. Then the lawyer told us that the DA did not want to take him out of the home that he is in right now because the family he is with wanted to adopt him. That hurt... But at the same time the Lawyer explained that if we wanted to adopt him he could take it to the judge and see if the judge would be willing to change the verdict of it. So I told him that I needed to discuss it with Chris and Kelsey and see what we wanted to do. I spoke with Chris, Kelsey, My dad, Sarah, Cassie and a few other people. Everyone that I talked to told me that they all had faith that I could do it and that no matter what decision I made it would be the right one. I struggled with this decision for a long time. Had sleepless nights and was going crazy trying to figure out what was best for Jake. It was when I was talking to Cassie that she told me I already knew the answer and had it in my heart I just needed to listen to it. So I let go of the emotions and listened to my heart and prayed hard about it. After talking about it again with Kelsey and Chris we all made the decision to move forward with the adoption. I noticed that I had a few voice mails that I had not listened to. After listening to them I learned that the Supervisor for CPA had already started the ball rolling forward with the adoption process for us. So the decision was already made for us before we even knew it :). After a lot of stress and hard times things are moving forward. Now its time for prayers that everything will go the way it needs to in order to have him here with the family.

On top of dealing with our family stuff I realized that a family that was really close to my heart has pushed away and no longer communicates. I have met some amazing people in my life and am glad to call each and everyone of them friends. I have not been the best person to represent friendship over the years. Life has gotten in the way and I have neglected the friends that mean the most to me. I apologize to those of you that I have neglected. I am pretty sure you know who you are. If you don't please feel free to ask and I will tell you :). Getting back to the family that has stopped communicating, it brakes my heart that people pull away because there is miss communication, if you have a problem please talk to me about it. If I said something that you don't like then come talk to me. I don't say the things that I do to hurt people or to upset them. I am who I am and I don't have a problem opening up and explaining why I said what I said or why I am feeling the way that I am feeling, but please don't close me out and push me away. We are adults and should be able to work through the problems. I love all of my friends and am thankful everyday that I have each and every one of you. You make my life exciting, bring drama at times(I love you Sarah :) ) and are always there when I need you. Each and every one of you bring something special to my life and I thank you all for it!!!

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!!!

Jake sitting in my lap at the house in Grand Junction. :)

Teenagers... I just dont get it.

I totally remember what it was like to be a teenager. Was not that long ago that I was one. There are something that I know I should not have done while growing up and decided to do it any ways. I understand having fun and doing things that your parents told you not to do and getting away with it because they never found out :). But my question is when did damaging other peoples property become something fun to do. Im not talking about Toilet papering a house or egging a car, yes those should not be done either lol but most of us have done them at some point in our lives. No I am talking about keying cars, or running knifes down the side of a car and then puncturing tires on vehicles. For no other reason then they were bored. If I would have ever done something like this my dad would have kicked my butt. There are a lot of things that I did and I only remember keying one car and it was out of anger and I look back on it now and it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done.
Now that I am off my soap box.... We had 6 cars get vandalized in our parking lot the other day, my truck and Kelsey's bf's truck being two out of the 6. So frustrating!!! It was 4 teenage boys who were bored and thought it would be funny to mess up the cars. Did they catch them NO!!! But not for lack of trying. I was really impressed with the Conroe Police Department as well as Montgomery County Sheriff Department. Unfortunately my insurance wont cover the damage done to my truck so I will have to pay for it myself. Not a big deal because I was very lucky in that they only sliced one of my tires, the other car that got hit they sliced all four tires, keyed the entire vehicle and smashed the tail lights. So all in all I would have to say Jason (Kelseys Boyfriend) and I got lucky.

Fresh Start

Chris and I had an amazing time last weekend celebrating our five year anniversary. We have been through so much together and it was great having that time to ourselves. We had a great 4th of July with Tracy and her family. All in all it was the best weekend that we have had in a very long time!!! There are tons of pictures posted on my FB page.

Now that my journey with the cancer has slowed down its time to start a new journey. I have started to feel really good this past week, from the inside out. I dont feel sick any more which is a dream come true. I have been sick it seems like non stop for the last two years. To get the news that it is gone and now the doctors want to monitor my body once a month has taken a lot of stress off of me. I know that the battle is not 100 percent won yet and wont be for years to come. But the life or death threat is no longer there.. To any one that is going through the battle of Cancer I recommend looking into the treatments that Canada has been using on its patients and see who in your state is offering it. It is the best thing that I have ever done. Some people thought I was crazy and that it would not work, but that was proven wrong. It saved my life.

As for what happens next I am starting my new journey. I have to lose 100 pounds in order for the doctors to be satisfied that my body can handle anything that comes up in the future. Whether it be getting pregnant (yes the doctors say it is possible as long as I stick closely with the plan and continue to see them)or whether the cancer decides to rear its head again. I have been asked why I did not have the doctors take everything out now that the cancer is gone. Here's my answer: All I have wanted for the last 6 years is for Chris and I to have a baby of our own. I have adopted one and am in the process of adopting a second baby. Both of these kidos are VERY precious to me and I would not trade that for anything!!!!!! I love them both with everything that I am. But the dream and the hurt is still there for me. We are not trying at this time because my body just cant handle it right now. But down the road we are going to look into it if everything goes right.So the first step is losing the weight. I am also embarking on the journey of finding a job and finishing school. I am very excited about getting done with my classes and being able to do what I love to do. Its a slow process but so far I am pulling a 3.5 GPA which is something that I have never done before. Even being sick and dealing with everything school has come first.

I have noticed a change in my attitude as well as my outlook on life. Its amazing how something like this can change a person. I do not want to find myself in the same boat again. Its time to jump out and swim with the dolphins. I am changing alot of my habits, thoughts and traditions. Its time to start living life to the fullest and living it for my family and myself. I have a wonderful family who has supported me through all of this. If it was not for them I would not be where I am today!!!! I love knowing that all I have to do is pick up the phone and there will be someone there to talk to, cry with, laugh with or even just sit there and be silent with. I forgot how important this is. I have fantastic friends who cried with me and were there to listen and support me when I needed it. So I am saying THANK YOU to all of you for everything that you have done and will continue to do in the future!!! I reconnected with family that I have missed dearly in my life through all of this, I am so blessed to have them back!!!

On a sadder note my grandmother is not doing so well. She has been in the hospital for a couple of days now and is having a tough time. I ask that you all keep her and the rest of my family in your prayers. It is tearing my dad, uncles and aunts up terribly right now. I have not heard my dad this upset since my grandfather passed away 15 years ago. Anybody who knows me knows that when my dad is tore up it tears me up.I hate being so far away from him and not being able to be there to comfort him and take care of him. I know that sounds weird, but I have always been and will always be a daddys girl. Nothing in this world will ever change that. We have had our problems but I love him more then words could ever tell. I always thought that I knew how to handle my life and that he did not know what he was talking about. I have realized over the years that I was the one who did not know what I was talking about. My dad has been there in his own way for me through everything. There were times that I did not agree with the way he went about it but he was still there and that is what matters to me. I love you dad! I wish that I could be there with you!


Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes!!! You all are amazing and I love each and every one of you!!!

Anniversary

Hope everyone has a fantastic 4th of July weekend!!! As for me I will be off to the doctors here shortly for another round of treatments and then off to pick my hubby up from the airport.

Chris and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary tomorrow!!! It has been a very long 5 years and it has not been the easiest. But looking back on everything that we have been through, it has made us very strong in our relationship. We have overcome so many issues and learned how to love each other more then I ever thought possible. Starting our 6th year together we are in the process of building our first home together, looking forward to the possibilities of being able to have kids together in the future, continuing to raise Kelsey and watching her to grow into a fantastic Young woman and looking forward to possibly having her little brother as a part of our family as well. We are looking forward to having Bri with us next summer and being able to be apart of her life and watching her go to college and follow her dreams. We have added to the family twice this year with Harley our cat who has a personality like no tomorrow. The saying Hell has no furry like a woman's scorn fits her to the T! But I love her to piece and am glad she is with us. The other addition to our family is Jason Kelsey's boyfriend. He is an amazing young man and treats Kelsey like she is the Queen of his world. He is very respectful when it comes to her and Us as a family. He is very family oriented and we love him to pieces! I could not be happier for Kelsey and Jason as they start building what I think will be a life long journey together. (they were told no marriage until after college!!! and they both agreed!!!)

Its crazy to think that my little brother just became a teenager this month and my dad had his 50th birthday. Wow am I getting old LOL!!! Things are going well for the rest of the family! My cousin just had her second baby girl!!! Congrats Shawntee and Levon!!!! She is beautiful. I find myself wishing that I was closer so I could be around the family more, but at the same time I love it here in Texas and am so glad we are here. The reasoning behind it was not the greatest, but hey we are all happy.

My treatments are going really well. They are thinking that this treatment and next months treatment may be the last ones that I need. I find out today what the verdict is on that. Very exciting!! I have other worries that need to be taken care of so surgery may still be coming but I don't know for sure yet. We will just have to wait and see.

Back to Chris and I celebrating our anniversary. We are headed to Galveston tomorrow to spend the day and night at a beach front hotel. Then saturday we will hang out at the beach and be joined by Kelsey and Jason for an afternoon of fun at the beach and dinner on the boardwalk. Very excited for this weekend!! Chris and I havent had time to ourselves in over a year and it is well needed. I have never been to the beach that I can remember (dad says I went when I was really little) so I am very excited about sharing the first moments with my best friend!! Tons of Photos will follow next week!!!!.

Chris you are my best friend, my lover, my husband, my life partner and most of all you are the half that makes me whole. I love you more then anything in this world and am so thankful that you are apart of my life. Here's to the last five years together and here's to many many more to come!!!!!

I love you baby!!!


HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT 4TH OF JULY! HAVE FUN AND STAY SAFE!!!

Change of heart

I was rereading my last couple of blogs and realized that the way I was feeling was really showing in what I was writing. I have been going through varying degrees of depression and feel like everything has been a pity party and that's not who I am as a person and it kills me to think that there's where I have been the last couple of months. I have come to the conclusion that changes need to be made. I hit a low the other night and was ready to say forget it... I give up.... I cant do this anymore.... And was totally serious about it. That scared the crap out of me. I have not felt that low since I was in high school. So I turned to a friend of mine about it and was trying to talk to them...That did not work out so well. You can only expect your friends to support you when they have the time and when they understand what you are truly going through. That is not meant to be mean or anything like that, I totally understand that we all have busy lives and it is not easy to drop everything that you are doing and take care of your friends when they call. So I am not upset about the fact that the person I tried talking to was not able to help at the time. But as I was sitting on my bed and was crying and trying to figure out what it was I was going to do I made a comment on my fb that got the attention of a lot of people, which was not something that I had wanted or had expected. It was late at night and I figured nobody was really on. I was wrong, way wrong. So here is the point where I say God was truly with me that night and was watching over me. My daughter Kelsey was the first one to send me a text and ask me if I was ok. I love her to death and would do anything in the world for her, She is one of the reasons I fight to stay alive. But when it comes to the way that I am feeling I cant always tell her because I don't want her to worry any more then she does,there is just somethings you don't share with your children.(Sorry Sweetie I love you, but its true.:)) So then a couple of my friends sent me text messages and asked what was going on, I talked to a few of them and got the typical "Im Sorry Sweetie, I hope things get better", I appreciate the gesture, but that night none of this was helping. My cousin sent me a message that was related to God on my page, I do not remember what exactly the post said at this time but it was enough to get me to start talking to her on the message thing on fb. She was exactly what I needed that night. She is going through a heck of a lot more then I am and all I could do was sit there and ball while I was throwing myself a pity party. There were so many things that I was complaining about that was not a life changing thing and it is not something that should have made me feel the way that I was feeling. So after talking to her and reading the bible and praying I realized again for the 100th time in my life that God has a plan for me. No matter what I am going through, He is going to be there guiding me through this and planning my life every step of the way. I forget this at times and forget to look up instead of looking out. So THANK YOU ROBYN for the love and support that you showed me that night and for reminding me that things are not always as bad as we think they are. I am flipping the leaf over and looking at the positive things in my life.

Now on to the medical side of things. The doctors have said that everything is going the way they want it. The cancer is getting smaller and has stopped growing 100 percent as of the last batch of tests that were run. This is GREAT news. This is what the doctor were going for when I started treatments. Now that we are doing two different types of treatment they are hoping that it will be completely gone and we will be able to stop the treatments by the end of August. That is two and a half months away. For me to think that I will be back on the road to being healthy and making myself better physically by the 1st of September is like a dream come true. For the last two years I feel like I have been nothing but sick, or going through surgery or something like that. I cant wait for the day that I can say I have been cancer free for this many days, weeks, months, years, I will post more information on my treatments and what they are and how they work later on. As for now there is talk that I will not have to go through surgery and that Chris and I may be able to have children of our own. Which any one who knows me, knows that is something that I have really wanted for a long time.

Thank you all for keeping track of me and listening to my down days as well as my good days. I love you all and I hope that you all have a FANTASTIC summer!!!!

June

Well here we are half way through June and I was hoping that I would be done with treatments and either going through surgery or trying to figure out what was next on the agenda. Now with the new treatments it will be August before I know for sure what is going to happen.

For the last couple of days I have felt pretty bad. Been dealing with headaches and feeling just plain blah. I have not been sleeping well and just want to feel better and be on a level playing field. It just seems like here lately no matter what we do nothing wants to go right. I am trying to be positive about everything and keep my head up. Its hard to do when you think that something needs to happen right now and thats not how life works. So I am trying to learn how to just let things go and go with the flow. Not the easiest thing to do but i am trying.

Things on the home front are good. Chris was home for his 6 days and ended up working 4 out of 6 so that was a little tough. He is now back in North Dakota and is ready to be here for good and not up there. We are still working on getting things going for the house. We are very excited about it. The dogs are still split up which is killing all of us. My truck still isnt fixed but theres nothing that I can do about that, so there again trying to go with the flow. Kelsey and I are still looking for jobs. Its hard when you dont feel good but you have to do what you have to do to survive.

I cant wait for the day when all of this is behind us and I can get up each morning and not have the stress of how we are going to make it through the week with a roof over our heads and food in the kitchen. Hoping that day comes sooner rather then later.

Things that go wrong

So things finally started to go in the right direction and then they fall apart again. I just want for things to settle down for a little while so that I can get healthy and not have to stress about everything all the time. My doctors bills have been taken care of THANK YOU GOD! for that. Now the transmission in my truck as well as most of the electrical stuff is going out. We don't have the money to pay the bills let alone fix my truck right now. UGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I just want to know when it ends and things settle down. I know that he will bring us through anything that he brings us too but wow how much more does he think I can handle. I mean I think my plate is pretty full.

Sorry I had to vent a little. If I could just get my truck back to working and get this job then everything would be ok. If I dont have my truck then that makes the job out of the question as well as making it very difficult to get to my doctors appointments. Hoping that things work out soon and settle down. I cant do this anymore.

Thank you for listening.

Tabitha

hmm

 Just to get everyone caught up again, they started a new treatment on me on tuesday of last week. So far everything is working they way they want it, which means there is a good chance that i wont have to go through surgery. Very excited about this. Still havent figured out how to pay the doctor bills yet, but we are working on it. we only need about 2000 more to cover the first set of apointments, that will leave us with 12000 left to pay all together. I have applied for grants and gone through different companies and have recieved some help there. Now its on us to take care of the remaining amount.


Because of the doc bills we are holding off on building our house, which is a bummer, but what can you do right. We might have to move out of our apartment and into a different one or who knows where at this point because we are having problems covering the cost of rent and utilities and food for two different houses right now. the amount of money thats going out is about  1500 more a month then whats coming in. we have gotten rid of everything that we can. we dont have cable or internet, the only that we do have is our cell phones and thats only because I have to have the internet for school and so does Kelsey. At this point Idk what else to do to get tings paid for so that we can survive and so that I can finish up my treatments.

Chris is still working in ND, we don't have a choice there because they haven't and probably wont transfer him down here. We are thinking he will probably have to find a new job this next year so that he can be closer to home instead of 26 hours away. But we will just have to wait and see.

I am still looking for a job. My interview went great, now its just waiting to get the call back from the company. Hoping that will be soon. I don't know what else to do. I have over 100 aplications out and continue to put more out everyday. So hopefully something will come through soon.

Kelsey is going to school and is also looking for jobs right now.

I hope this finds everyone well and Happy
Tabitha

Wow

So I found out over the last couple of days that our insurance is not covering the whole cost of my treatments. Not something I was expecting. We were able to get the dog situation taken care of in a way. We got rid of Bella, Kelsey's dog and Sasha is staying with me in Texas. Unfortunately Confederate is not able to stay here so he has to travel back and forth with Chris. That will work for a little while but we are going to have to figure something out here soon.

   I am trying to find a job to cover the costs that Chris's paycheck does not cover. Which right now is $6000 for treatments and that is not including the monthly bills that we are trying to cover. Its crazy, you think that you are getting ahead and then you look at your bills and realize that you are actually behind. Ugh....


On a happier note things are on track with the doctors and the treatments. I should know the first part of June when surgery is going to be. I will keep everyone updated.

Love you all
Tabitha

hmmmmm

Its been two weeks since my first shot and things have been different. Some days I feel fine and everything is great. Other days I am sick to my stomach and feel terrible. In the last  week the migraine headaches of hit. Not a good feeling for me. I hate hate hate them. The current one has now been with me two days and I am hoping that it goes away soon.


  I am trying to stay away from stress but right now that is not coming easily. There have been a few changes in the way that things were suppose to happen so now I have no idea when Chris is going to be down here with us permanently. Which totally sucks. Then on top of that we were told that we had to get the dogs out of the trailer in North Dakota because the person who can not be named decided that he did not want them tearing it up. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! My dogs are 6 and 13 years old, they dont tear stuff up and on top of everything they have been in the trailer for the last 5 months and havent done any damage. AAAHHHHHH!!!!! So I talked to the lady that is hear in the Apts and we arent allowed to have Confederate here because he is double the weight limit. So in order to keep both my dogs we would have to break the lease that we are in and find a house. To do this we would have to pay $3000 to the apartments just to break the lease and then another $3000 for first, last , deposit and pet deposit on a house, and that dosnt include the $1500 for the moving company to come in and move our stuff, Because I sure cant do it and Chris cant do it on his own. So I say if they want the dogs out of there then the company needs to come up with the money for us to move. That isnt going to happen though, so I am looking for a job or two depending on what I can find, so that we can get this little issue taken care of. Which is not what we had planned because of the treatments. But what can you do, life gives you lemons and you have to figure out a way to make lemonade.

I just want to feel better and for the stress to go away. I dont need it right now and it seems like I get the worse case of it when I feel the worst. Ugggghhh! 

In Texas

We made  it to Conroe and are getting things set up so that we can go on with everyday life. We have all the big stuff moved in and are getting the little stuff unloaded out of  the truck and put away today. 

 As for my health things have been up  and down. I have been fighting with headaches and pain, and not being able to sleep real well. I am hoping that once we are done moving that things will chill out a little bit and I will be able to relax and deal with what needs to be dealt with.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us! We had a great trip down to Texas with only a few little  upsets. We love it down here so far and are looking forward to what happens next. 

Love you all and I will write more later. 

4 days and counting

we  are down  to four days before we leave for Texas. Trying to get everything packed and ready for our travels. The good news is even though it is going to be a long trip, we already have an apartment to move into when we get down there. On top of that Chris is able to go with us and help us get everything moved!!! 

 The down side to it all is we have the money to get down there but the loan that we applied for to pay our debt and allow us to survive down there with me not being able to work for the next 6 months was declined yesterday. So that is a little stressful. We know that one way or another we will make it through. We always do, but its still stressful. Right now I need as little stress as possible. We are hoping that something will come through in the next couple of weeks in that area. Prayers are very much appreciated during this time.

As for me I am doing ok. Have been sick to my stomach with fevers and headaches here lately but thats just part of the territory with this. Hopeing that it will stay at bay long enough for me to get down there and get started. 

Chris and Kelsey are doing great, Kelsey has a new love in her life which I think is helping her focus on positive things and Chris knows that everything will be ok as soon as we get down there and I can see the doctors. He needs the most prayers through all of this I do believe. He has a lot ot carry on his shoulders and anybody who knows him knows that he dosnt like to talk alot about anything. Which can be a bad thing. You have to talk about it and get some of it off your chest other wise it eats you away. So I am sending lots of prayers that he will find someone that he feels he can talk to and starts talking. 

I think that about covers everything for today. Nothing new is really going on other then the move and trying to get a loan.

Hope this finds everyone healthy, happy and enjoying life!!

I love you Alll!!!!

Tabitha

Getting Things Together

We are starting to get ready to move to Texas. Getting things packed and  ready to go. We are leaving the 31st from  North Dakota to head to Colorado and then we will be leaving the 3rd  from Colorado to finish our trip into Texas. Doctors apt on the 11th of April should give me enough time to get things situated in the apartment and be ready for phase one. Hoping that Chris will be able to make that trip with us and help us unpack and  get settled in.

On the plus side of things I have felt pretty good the last couple of days. Have been tired but other then that things are good. Just stressed out about the move and all that goes along with it. At least this is the last move for another year or so and then after that it will just be from an apartment into a house. That is something that I get to look forward to. Having a house again with the dogs outside playing and enough room for the family and friends to come visit when they have a chance. 

Hoping that this summer my little brother can come out and spend some time with me and Kelsey and Chris if he is able to be there. Looking forward to the ocean and lots of warm sun. It is snowing here and the wind is terrible tonight. Really tired of the cold weather and the wind. It kind of reminds me of the way that things are going with my health right now. Kind of dark and depressing and then when we get to Texas the door opens and it is warm and sunny and my health can get better and start to improve. Really looking forward to  it. 

 A lot of things will be changing for me. I have to lose at least 75 pounds so that they can go in and do the surgery. That was a little unexpected but they are afraid that with the amount of weight I have on my body it will not be able to heal the way that they want it to and that my immune system may shut down. So its onto healthier lifestyle for me. Its a hard thing to do but it can and will be done. Thats all there is to it. So I have two to three months before the surgery and will have to work hard and get it done. 

Well thats all  I have for tonight. Hope everyone has a great week!

Love you all!

Tabitha

Moving Forward

A lot of things have happened in the last three days. Very good things. We have been very blessed and have been able to get things together enough for Kelsey and I to head to texas in a very short time.

 Feeling kind of mixed about all of it. Its a great thing that we have been blessed and are able to go down there to get things taken care of. At the same time I am scared and nervous about having to go through all of this. Then there is the heartbreaking part of it, Chris will not be going down with us. I hate to be away from him and have to go through it with out him but there is not a whole lot that I can do right now. He will be there for the weeks that I go through treatment and then he will be there for the surgery but its the times in between that I am worried about. I know that I will be ok it just sucks being away from him. Never truly thought that I would have such a big problem being away from him. I have done this before and he wasnt able to be around so I figured that I would be ok but its really hard right now. Hoping that once things get started we will be ok. 

Thank you to all!!!!!

I love you all!!
 

Colorado

 Things have gone really well here in Colorado. I got to spend time with my family and see a few friends. Not enough time to see everyone...

  Saw the doctor today... was told the same thing that I was told over the phone, the clinic here does not have the stuff that is needed to take care of my issues so I only have to choices left. Now its just to figure out how to get those choices taken care of and which one would be better for me.


   Have been dealing with a lot of stuff the last couple of days. Love my parents to death but I truly hate it when they tell me over and over and over again that I HAVE to take care of something and that I DONT have a choice and it needs to be done RIGHT now. There are no quick and easy answers to this. There are no fast fixes and easy ways to deal with this. I have done everything that I can think of to make things come together and I am hitting a brick wall. I dont have anywhere else to turn, I cant ask for help from any one else which leaves me in a position where we just have to wait until we can do it on our owns. That being said it will probably be 6 to 7 months down the road before that can happen. Maybe longer.... Who knows.... But in the mean time I dont need people telling me that its not acceptable and that it needs to be taken care of right now. I understand better then most that this is seriouse and its not something to mess with. I totally understand that and get that and if I could change the way that things were I would, but as of right now I can not change the way things are going. So instead of telling me that I HAVE to do something right now and I DONT have a choice lets think about it and remember that I am only one person and with my Husband we are only two people and there is only so much that we can do.

 I try to help people understand why things cant be done right this minute and while talking to a friend of mine last night I was reminded of something that I knew about but I am not sure how many other people know about it, so I figured I would share it with everyone so that maybe this would be a little easier to understand. The reason the doctors cant just jump right in and take everything out and call it good, is because as soon as you give cancer oxygen it grows very rapidly. So if they go in and cut me open and expose all of it to oxygen then I take the chances of it spreading to other organs in my body. UMMM hello can we say no thank you :). I would rather figure out how to get the treatments done and get it killed off or at least stop the spreading first and then have them cut it out with as little chance of it spreading as possible. I hope that this helps at least a little bit. Anybody with questions and concerns please feel free to ask. I will do what I can to answer them and help people understand a little bit better what is going on.

Thoughts

OK so I have been doing a lot of thinking..... not much else to do at this time. I have been on a complete rollar coaster of emotions for the last week... First I am ok with everything because I know that at least there is something that they can do to make it better, then I hit this area where I am pissed and sick and tired of dealing with it, and then I am heart broken because we want kids of our own.....


Since I have been down and out I decided to check in on my friends and see what was going on with my friends. I was watching a blog that my friend posted and I have been keeping track of them as she has been posting them. But she said something that has totally stuck with me since I heard it. She made the comment that she loves her kids and that she dosnt care how they get here just as long as they are here. I know that it was said for a completley different reason then what I am going through but that one comment made me realize that no matter if we could have kids of our own it dosnt matter as long as we have kidos. I have to agree with that person that it dosnt matter how the kidos come as long as we have them to take care of and share our love with. You would think that with us having Kelsey and Atheena before her and a few other kidos that I have taken care of that I would have agreed with it long before now. I never truly thought about it in that way because there was always the thought that we would have a kido of our own. Now it makes complete sense. So thank you to that person for that one comment.

 I love all my friends and family and am extremly happy that I have each and everyone of you there through all of this. You guys are all truly amazing and are my rock when I feel like I am falling.

Love you all
Tabitha

Day Three

so the doctors up here refuse to do the treatment due to the experimental treatment that I went through in Denver. They dont want to counteract what has already been done. So we are back to square one. Have to come  up  with the money to head to Texas. Thats the only place that I am covered under.  So back to scratching my head trying to come up with ideas for to get the money together.

 Not sure how to feel about this all now.  I am heading to Denver to see the family this weekend as long as the DMV will allow me to get tags put on my truck. So keeping my fingers crossed that they will.  

Not much to say today. Kind of confused and not sure what to do. Not sure how to feel and not sure what I can do to make things better. Or how to make things work to get to where I need to be. Trying to trust that everything will happen the way that it needs to but letting go and just trusting is the hardest thing that I need to do right now......

Love you all
Tabitha

Day Two

Its day two and here we are. I have talked to  the doctors and the decision has been made that I stay in North Dakota for a few weeks and go through treatment here. Then  its off to Texas for the surgery and who knows what else. Not looking forward to going through it but we will make it. 

 Looking at going home for the weekend possibly a whole week depending on money and stuff like that. All I have to do is get the tags on my truck and get new tires on it, and then Kelsey and I can be off and running. Just hoping that my check is enough to take care of it. 


Thoughts  on  what is going on..... still not really sure  how to feel or what to do with it all. Just taking it one day at a time and  pull through it. I want to see my family  and friends  and relax and  chill out for a couple of days. 

 I love everybody lots!